tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47553785834222230672024-03-13T14:52:00.477+11:00ROMANCE IS RAPE BY SEDUCTIONA Digital Diary Novel By Adam Shane LawesAdam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comBlogger145125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-65383087279585376102015-05-26T01:01:00.001+10:002016-10-06T07:24:06.070+11:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">By Adam
Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 1 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">My name is Adam and this diary data
entry 1 of 145 diary data entries here as an artist is my story. I was born on
the 4<sup>th</sup> of August in Australia into a
family of many mixed races so thankfully I cannot lay claim to belonging to any
specific one. The first five years of my life were uneventful to say the least
living in suburban Adelaide and surviving blissfully unaware in the alleged
serial killer capital of this country. Then when I was five years old my
parents moved my younger sister and I to the sunny hot and humid environment of
the Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia where for the next couple of years we
lived in a caravan trailer park and I thus started school as typical trailer
trash. Then when I was seven years old and the divorce laws changed, my parents
in the drunken chaos and breakdown of marriage and monogamy of what seemed to
be typical trailer park trash living, decided to get divorced and my sister
went to live with my mother and new stepfather whilst I lived with my father in
a cheap rundown flat above a takeaway shop on the Gold Coast highway for the
next four years. These four years however were the best years of my childhood
as although the flat was rundown and the exhaust vent for the takeaway food
shop downstairs released the greasy fumes right outside our kitchen window, it
was never the less nothing like the dirty, disgusting, drunken environment of
the trailer park. And even more importantly after two years of praying at the
back of that caravan in bed nearly every night sometimes all night, I no longer
had to hear my parents constantly fight. As then, although I hardly saw my father
during weekdays as he was either working or hunting for a new wife, there was
always adequate food money on the table for each day when I woke up, and he
even bought me a guitar which I had asked for and which every weekend at my
father’s wild parties that he held to rebel against his loneliness and a
divorce he did not want, I had a drunken but attentive never the less audience
to perform to. However these years of relative childhood bliss and personal
freedom suddenly came to an end when I was eleven and my father introduced me
to what was to be my stepfamily until I was sixteen years old and they are the
cruelest people I have ever known - and where after too many years of every type of horrific abuse, I became hellbent on revenge at the age of sixteen years old as I planned and I tried
to publicly sexually rape my younger thirteen year old stepsister at a family
New Years Eve party - and this tragic event along with the other horrible
events in my life has now left me living in a state of severe sickness, stress,
despair, guilt, remorse, anguish and all alone with no hope for romance…and so here I am now hopeless and homeless hiding out in a cemetery in Melbourne.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">©</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-37391566293392490672015-05-26T00:56:00.001+10:002015-09-24T23:12:43.329+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">By Adam
Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 2 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">I am homeless and filled with constantly
chaotically alternating anger and anxiety. So now with nothing else to do and
to try and make myself feel better, I am now going to record my thoughts in
this digital diary of mine using my Apple iPhone - which is the only thing of
economic value that I now have left after being terminated from my job. I found
out that I was homeless two days ago here in Melbourne, Australia when I
received a phone call from my supermarket store manager where I had been
stacking supermarket shelves at night doing horrible physically heavy and hard
and mentally mundane manual labour since I dropped out of school as a troubled
teenager with no self-confidence left after years of horrific teen abuse to try
for anything more in life, and all the heavily disguised and hidden hope that I
had of being an artist in the past was wasted wondering in unfulfilled artistic
ambition with too many years spent lost struggling to survive working mostly
horrible physically heavy and mentally mundane manual labour work that I hate
along with too much drug use, drug abuse and drug addiction. And for the past
week I had become increasingly sick with a bad case of the flu, and I was off
work sick for 3 days due to the severity of the flu that I have - which would
have also made it even more difficult to do the extremely horrible heavy and
hard and mentally mundane manual labour work of lifting heavy boxes stacking
supermarket shelves at night. However my supermarket store manager, who is an
Australian originally from India, is a cruel, corrupt corporate, class driven
person. And he is a cruel, corrupt, corporate person to both people of
non-Indian origin and people of Indian origin, who work in the store in which
he is the store manager, and who do not allow themselves to become enslaved by
his cruel, corrupt corporate form of management. And my former Indian store
manager has hired a lot of Indian students to work for him in the store in
which he is the store manager - which is good for those Indian students as
those Indian students are studying for their university degrees that cost them
so much more financially than Australian citizens of any origin have to pay for
their university degrees - and this is because of the greed of universities and
the exploitation of international students - and in addition to this the Indian
students also have to pay for their living costs here and are currently legally
limited to a 20 hour limit working week. However there also seems to be an
ulterior motive to my former Indian store manager hiring so many students who
are studying here from India - because my former Indian store manager treats
many of the Indian students that work for him as if they are not working for an
hourly rate - as those Indian students are legally meant to be and should be -
but they are instead manipulated by fear by my former Indian store manager to
do unpaid work in order to keep their jobs - and thus my former Indian store
manager wrongfully exploits and uses many of the Indian students that he has employed
to work in his store. And in addition to this, despite the majority of the
students from India being honest and hard working - even despite being unfairly
exploited by my former Indian store manager and also not liking him because
they see him as a cruel, corrupt person - (one student from India, who is a
very honest and sincere person, said to me that the Indian store manager is one
of the meanest people that he has ever met). However, despite the majority of
the students from India who work for my former Indian store manager being
honest and hard working, even though they do not like my former Indian store
manager - There is unfortunately a small group of students from India, and also
a group of former students from India who now have permanent residency and who
work in the store as permanent workers for my former Indian store manager, and
who are all very loyal to my former Indian store manager - and they are just as
corrupt and conniving as my former Indian store manager - and they do some of
my former Indian store manager's corrupt corporate work for him - for example
those specific Indian students will tell lies about Australian workers to set
them up so that my former Indian store manager can then easily terminate them -
and also those specific Indian students without permanent residency here in
Australia also then try to get their PR here in Australia by trying to be
informants for the Australian government by telling lies about Australians to
try and curry favour with the Australian government so that they can get their
PR based on the government corruption that they are used to dealing with back
in their homeland of India - and also in the workplace that specific
group of workers originally from India also receive special treatment from my
former Indian store manager - which then makes the workload on everyone else so
much harder - and they also try to make the workplace and workload as difficult
as they possibly can to those in the store who don't allow themselves to become
enslaved by my former Indian store manager's form of cruel, corporate
corruption. And despite the fact that I am obviously not from India and nor am
I of Indian origin, my former Indian store manager treated me as if I was
someone that he could constantly exploit and make my life as horrible as he
possible could - and the reason for this was most likely that my former Indian
store manager has an extreme class based view of the world - and because I am
from a poor background, my former Indian store manager wrongfully treated me
like I was a non-Indian version of an ‘untouchable’ - and thus my former Indian
store manager enslaved and exploited me and worked me into the ground until I
became extremely rundown and sick because he was constantly threatening me with
my job and looking for any excuse that he could to terminate me, which included
making me do masses and masses of unpaid hours of work - which I stupidly did
out of fear of losing my job and being made homeless - like I am now. So for
the past year I was worked into the ground until I became increasingly rundown,
and then finally very sick now with this bad case of the flu. However my former
Indian store manager rang me up and accused me of lying about being sick and he
then accused me of trying to use up my paid sick leave - and then my former
Indian store manager told me that I had been terminated and replaced. And when
my former Indian store manager phoned me up and told me this, I finally swore
and cursed him with all my pent up anger, and told him that I hoped that one of
his deities, specifically Kali, would punish him for his wrongful behaviour.
And then my former Indian store manager then told me that he would be writing
down my reason for termination as "misconduct" and faxing it
immediately to the Government unemployment office. Which later on yesterday I
found out to be true, as when I rang to immediately put my name down and apply
for unemployment benefits, I was told that I would have to wait for 2 months
for unemployment benefits because I had been terminated from my job for
misconduct. So with me being now unemployed, and my rent being due at the room
in the rooming house that I had been renting, and me being unable to pay it for
an impossibly long and out of the question period of 2 months, I packed up my
belongings, handed the key to my room in, and now I am homeless and hiding out
here in constantly confusing and alternating anger, anxiety and angst at
Melbourne Cemetery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-80756208351673643442015-05-26T00:54:00.001+10:002015-09-24T23:20:41.319+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 3<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">By Adam
Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 3 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">It is night again and I am once again at Melbourne
Cemetery. I woke up and managed to get a few hours sleep in the early hours of
this morning, and when I woke up I hid amongst the tombstones when the cemetery
gates opened, and then I left an hour later and came back to the cemetery again
when it was closed and dark. I have the chance for the rest of the night, to
here and there, write in this digital data diary to try and make myself feel
better, and to also try and get a sense of what went wrong and what I should do
now that I am homeless. Today I went and enquired about how I can get food, and
I found out that there is a church charity meal van that parks every night in
the carpark of the industrial markets in the central city of Melbourne -
(ironically itself once the major inner-city cemetery of Melbourne until the
rush of the industrial revolution caused the old gravestones to be removed and
the many buried city coffins to be concreted over into a carpark for
Melbourne’s major city markets) - and it will only take me about 20 minutes to
walk there each evening from here at the cemetery. And I am still cursing my
former store manager, who is from India, for terminating me from my job and
also lying to the Government unemployment office and making me homeless. For I
am now homeless, down and out, sick with the flu, and hiding out here in
Melbourne Cemetery because of him. However I will have my revenge upon him by
exposing his cruel, corrupt, wrongful behaviour in this digital data diary of
mine - because as the tattoos on my hands state - "Art Is A Weapon".
And I have now started to work out a plan of survival and a way that I will not
get caught living here at Melbourne Cemetery. First I wake each night in the
evening when it is dark, just as my body is use to after working nights for
more than twenty years since I was a teenager. Then I go to the small, secluded
block of toilets at the back of the cemetery, which is always left unlocked,
unlike the main toilets at the front of the cemetery, which are locked at the
end of each day. And there, using the light from my Apple iPhone, I go to the
bathroom and wash and then shave using the cut-throat razor that I bought, and
the soap that is always there. After that, I go back and hide my belongings in
the tombstones, and then using the light from my Apple iPhone to guide me, I
walk to the back of the cemetery and use one of the trees that are growing near
the spiked and barb wired back fence of the cemetery, to climb over the sharp
and spiked cemetery fence. From there, dressed in one of my two black suits,
and wearing my black beanie, I walk down to the carpark of the industrial inner
city markets to the church charity meal van to have my daily - or more
specifically nightly - meal of soup and bread. And whilst I am waiting for the
nightly church charity meal van to drive up and park in the carpark of the
industrial Melbourne markets of the central city, I use one of the many
electrical power-points that are at the back of the industrial storage
warehouses in the carpark there to charge up my Apple iPhone as I wait for the
church charity meal van. So this solves the problem of keeping my Apple iPhone
charged and both it and myself alive. For now that I am homeless and hiding out
in Melbourne Cemetery, as long as I only use my Apple iPhone for this digital
data diary of mine, I will be able to both keep it charged for my nightly
digital data diary writing, and also hopefully get by for a fairly long period
on the fairly large amount of pre-paid credit that I have left on my Apple
iPhone - because before I got sick and was terminated from my job and made
homeless, I was happily spending all my spare money on stocking up my new Apple
iPhone with pre-paid credit so that I could buy and download a lot of music and
videos for my Apple iPhone. However now that I have been unfairly terminated
from my job and denied unemployment benefits because of my former corrupt
supermarket store manager, and I am now homeless and hiding out here in
Melbourne Cemetery, I am only going to us my Apple iPhone to discreetly light
my way when necessary at night, and then use my Apple iPhone to write these
nightly digital diary data entries of mine. So anyway, after I have gone to the
carpark of the industrial Melbourne markets and recharged my Apple iPhone and
had my nightly meal from the church charity meal van, I then walk back to the
cemetery, and using the light from my Apple iPhone, I set up my sleeping bag
beneath the tree, and write here on my Apple iPhone in my digital data diary,
and then fall asleep for a few hours until I am woken up by the light of day in
the early morning. Then I go and hide my belongings and myself in the
tombstones and wait until the cemetery opens. After the cemetery is opened, I
then walk around in the cemetery throughout the day, and before the cemetery
closes, I leave and then come back once it is dark and the cemetery is shut
again, and then I can do the same nightly ritual again. So the problem of going
to the bathroom, washing, shaving, getting food, charging my Apple iPhone, and
having lighting has all been solved. In terms of my clothes, I have two sets of
black suits, and I have worked out a way that I can wash my clothes once a
week. As I can use the hot water tap and the basin in the bathroom that I use to
wash myself in each night, to also wash the second black suit that I have on a
weekly basis. And I have found a tombstone that is hidden very discreetly
beneath a large tree in the middle of the cemetery that I can hide and hang my
black suit over it to dry, and where I doubt that it would be seen, and where
it also looks like my clothes will be fairly protected whenever it rains. So
that solves the problem of cleaning my clothes here and there. But besides the
obvious fact that I am homeless, this situation is not as good, for the want of
a better term, as it could be. For it would be better if I could have somewhere
to hide and sleep during the day, as I am used to doing, and that way I can
wake up each night and get ready, go to the church charity meal van, and then
come back and stay up all night, and then hide and go to sleep in the morning
before the cemetery opens. It seems as if the security patrol always drives
through the cemetery each night sometime between 1am and 2am in the morning. So
it would be also better if I could be more hidden at night so I don't have to
worry about the security patrol ever seeing me unexpectedly. However I don't
yet know of such a place where I can hide at night, and then sleep in the
cemetery during the day though. So tomorrow I am going to look around the
cemetery for a better place to hide and sleep in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-51623719946808199062015-05-26T00:52:00.001+10:002015-09-24T23:24:09.869+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 4<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 4 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">It is night again and I have made some ground
today. Earlier today, when I was wandering around the cemetery, I found an old
grave that had one of those stone encasements over the whole grave. The lid to
this stone encasement was cracked and separated in one of the back corners over
the whole grave, which gave me the chance to push it aside and look inside.
Inside this stone encasement, there is an area of approximately three feet high
by six feet long and a metre wide, which is enough for me to slide the stone
lid back, spread my sleeping bag out, hide my bag in there, and slide in there,
and then slide the broken piece of stone lid back again over me, and roll into
my sleeping bag and zip it up. And although it hasn't rained since I've been
made homeless, this is Melbourne so I am going to be in for a lot of rainy
weather. So now I can lay inside there at night, and also be protected from any
rain, and also the coming autumn and winter cold weather, and I also have
enough space to lay on my side, and write here in my digital data diary. And
then when morning comes, I can go to sleep, and be hidden and protected in
there all day, and then wake up and go to the cemetery bathroom and get ready,
and then go and get my nightly meal from the church charity meal van, and then
come back here again. And I can also keep my sleeping bag and belongings hidden
in there and safe from the weather. So now I am going to go and clean out the
grave encasement and set myself up in it - so it is goodnight from me tonight.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-10467499499572207652015-05-26T00:50:00.001+10:002015-09-24T23:27:50.489+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 5<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">By Adam
Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 5 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">I am lying down inside my sleeping bag hidden
inside this stone encasement of this grave, and now typing on my Apple iPhone
here in my digital data diary. And although it feels a bit creepy to be lying
on top of someone's grave, never the less, for the first time since I've been
made homeless, I finally feel some sense of comfort and being protected,
however strange this new situation may be. The grave encasement that I am now
'living' in, is of a girl who died in 1939 at the age of 16 years old. There were
a few other old graves with broken stone encasements, but when I saw the grave
of this girl and her age, I thought that if I am going to be haunted for
sleeping inside someone's grave, then at least I would like it to be by a girl
who is sixteen years old. And her grave is an old grave and it doesn't say
anything about her life. But I don't feel any bad vibes or anything, like I am
disturbing her soul or something like that. Also, there is a small statue of a
female angel over her grave, and in some strange and sublime way, it makes me
feel a little bit more welcome and protected here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-33534219395712913912015-05-26T00:47:00.001+10:002015-09-24T23:32:38.479+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 6<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 6 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">It is night again and I am back here hidden inside
my hidden grave gap 'room'. Today I slept straight through the whole day, no
doubt because I'd had hardly any sleep since I have been made homeless, and
also because I have been working nights for the last nine years, until I was
unfairly terminated from my job by my former store manager who is originally
from India. Also for the first time since I have been made homeless, I have
been hidden and had the chance to sleep without being worried about having to wake
up and hide in the daylight when the cemetery is open. So earlier tonight,
after I woke up, I went to the cemetery toilet, washed, shaved and then I went
to the church charity meal van and got my daily-nightly meal, and then I came
back here again, and I will now be wide awake for the rest of the night. So
tonight I would like to write down what I did on that first day when I found
out that I was homeless. Firstly when I found out that I had been both
terminated from my job and also denied unemployment benefits because of my
corrupt store manager who is originally from India, I felt like I was going to
faint, and I just sat there with my head spinning. But I couldn't take sitting
at home anymore stressing, so I came here to the peace and quiet and tranquility
of Melbourne Cemetery, as I have always done when I have gotten too stressed
whilst living here in Melbourne. And after sitting for a few hours I started to
think about what I should do, and I realised that my first priority was
obviously finding somewhere safe to stay while I am homeless. And I thought of
trying homeless centres, but I didn't even know where any were, and it was too
late for me to start looking. So then I realised that the cemetery would be the
best place for me to stay for my first night of being homeless, and until I can
sort out my circumstances and find somewhere to live. So unable to pay anymore
rent, before I went and handed in my keys at the private rooming house where I
had been renting a room - I went and sold all of my electrical goods, and with
the money I went and bought a cut-throat razor and a mirror to shave with, a
black waterproof sleeping bag, a black waterproof hooded coat, two pairs of
black thermal wear, and a black beanie. I then shaved off the horrible corporate
cut short shaped style of haircut that I'd had for too many years, since I'd
unfortunately had to cut off all my long hair when I moved to Melbourne due to
my former supermarket store manager's insistence and threat to my job. And I
used the cut-throat razor that I had just bought to shave all my hair off to
the scalp, so that I could finally get rid of that horrible corporate worker's
style of haircut and not have to worry about walking around and living homeless
with a messy unkept corporate worker's haircut. And I will use the black beanie
to keep my head warm in the cold weather. After I had shaven my head to the
scalp, I then went and put on one of my black suits - consisting of black
trousers, the black thermal wear underneath, and a black pointed suit tail
coat, and then my black military style boots, and then I put my other black
suit, the cut-throat razor and mirror, and my Apple iPhone in my black
waterproof bag. And then with my sleeping bag, black coat and bag of
belongings, I handed in my key to my old room at the rooming house where I had
been living, and I came here to Melbourne Cemetery for that first night of
being made homeless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-53940127432536753632015-05-26T00:46:00.001+10:002015-09-24T23:41:06.814+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 7<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 7 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">The following diary data entry seven is my personal
statement about the cruel corruption that I suffered trying to survive working
too many years of horrible physically heavy and hard and mentally mundane
manual labour for what is one of this country's largest and most corrupt
corporations. So firstly I just want to state that my many years doing
supermarket nightfill work for that corporation which is one of the largest
corporations and private employers in Australia was a very horrible physically
heavy and hard and mentally mundane manual labour job that involved the
repetitious lifting of heavy boxes at night in a supermarket. However I always
worked hard for many years doing horrible physically heavy and hard and
mentally mundane manual labour for that corporation, where I was also employee
of the month three times, as that job despite being extremely horrible paid my
bills by giving me an income for food and a home for shelter whilst I worked on
my art-work, especially my writing, as I continually try and want to survive
and succeed in this world as an artist. And whilst working for that cruel,
corrupt corporation doing horrible physically heavy and hard and mentally
mundane manual labour for too many years I was eventually continually and very
unfairly and cruelly mistreated, used, abused, enslaved and hurt in every way
that they could until I was eventually unfairly terminated by my former
supermarket store male manager who is an Australian originally from India and
also the corporation's mostly matriarchal, malicious and Anglo-Saxon-Australian
females in its human resources head office hierarchy who made me homeless. And
that last supermarket store manager that I had, who is an Australian-Indian
supermarket store male manager, is one of the most cruel, corrupt, corporate
people that I have ever seen and met, including where there is so much very
wrong, cruel and corrupt corporate behaviour that should not exist at all ever
again. For you see, every pallet, box and carton of products that we unload
from the trucks, and then onto the shelves each night, is worked out to a
specific carton rate - Which means that you have to unload those boxes and use
your nightfill carton cutter knife very fast to cut and pack those boxes and
get the products onto the shelves very quickly, in order to keep your nightfill
job. Also at work at night, I had to take all the deliveries such as the milk,
meat and bread trucks that continually came throughout my nightshift - And the
corrupt, corporate store manager from India took away all the extra allocated
hours that I was supposed to be given each night to account for the time it
took to take all those truck deliveries. Then at the end of the night, after
the store has to be double faced with all the product labels facing the front -
All the cardboard rubbish from the average of 25 pallets containing
approximately 100 boxes per pallet each night, has to be crushed into a machine
and then tied up into large wired bails of cardboard for removal. And once
again, this corrupt, corporate Australian-Indian supermarket store manager,
besides taking away my allocated time to take truck deliveries throughout the
night, also took away all the necessary allocated time it took to crush and
bail up in the cardboard crushing machine, the average of 2500 empty cardboard
boxes that are left at the end of each night after unloading the pallets, boxes
and then stacking the supermarket shelves. And then out of his scale symbol
star sign's sometime seemingly too often greed and insecure need for status due
to insecurity, my Australian-Indian store manager, when calculating each
night's required nighfill and nightcrew hours, would illegally minus between
300 to 400 cartons off the actual real load size each night so that he could
cut costs by saving wages and having less staff to do the job. And my former
Australian-Indian store manager did this so that he could make himself look
good and keep getting promoted within the corporation, and to also ensure his
company bonuses - and this also meant that we were always nightcrew staff short
each night - And I was threatened by my class driven former
Australian-Indian store manager that if the nightfill job didn't get done by
the whole nightcrew in each nighshift, then it was my fault and that I would
lose my job as a result - so consequently out of fear of losing my job - I use
to do masses of unpaid hours each night and week to get all of the night's work
done, which involved going to work 2 hours early each night, working through my
1 hour meal break and staying back an hour at the end of my shift to ensure the
night work got completed. And all this corporate corruption by my former
Australian-Indian store manager is against the law, as it is a violation of
health and safety policy and it is also major fraud because my former
Australian-Indian store manager is illegally cost cutting for his own
self-gain, both in terms of promotion, and also financial gain for his bonuses
within the company. So for the last year, as I have stated, I was doing masses
and masses of unpaid hours and being worked into the ground because of the
cruel corporate corruption by my former Australian-Indian store manager, until
I increasingly became rundown and finally got very sick with this bad case of
the flu that I still have, and which my former Australian-Indian store manager
then used my first 3 days off work sick with the flu, to wrongfully and
illegally terminate me from my job. And there was obviously no point in going
to the corporation's head office including its human resources department,
because that cruel, corrupt corporation's human resources head office hierarchy
is constituted of mostly malicious, matriarchal females who wrongfully and in a
very cruel, conniving way spend their working time wrongfully covering up that
corporation's cruel corruption, as they are just as cruel and corrupt in their
own and often very similar cruel, malicious ways as my former store male
manager. And there was also no point in in going to the unions, because the
unions are just as corrupt in their own ways, especially because they make
back-alley deals with the corporation to exploit the staff, whilst they then
wrongfully take union staff members money and do nothing substantial to help
staff members when they are being exploited and suffering sometimes from severe
corporate corruption - and it is in that specific way that unions are just
another corporation as well, and the unions are just as corrupt as the
corporations that the union staff members pay their union to supposedly help
and protect them - which the unions obviously do not do. Because the
supermarket cruel, corrupt corporation - even though it is just a supermarket -
is one of the most powerful, influential and largest corporations in this
country, as it is very near to the top of being one of the largest private
employers in this country - (people have to eat obviously - and food is the one
thing that supposedly 'normal' participating people in society will always buy
so that they can survive - so supermarkets are obviously very big business -
which makes them, especially the supermarket corporation that I worked for -
which also has the largest amount of alcohol sales in this country (and alcohol
kills more people each year here in this country than all illegal recreational
drug deaths each year all combined together - and the corporation also owns and
operates the largest number of gambling poker machines in this country and I
hate gambling as it ruins people's lives - for example my cousin committed
suicide because of a gambling addiction - and that cruel, corrupt corporation
is one of the largest corporations and private employers in this country with a
lot of profit, power and influence - And also that supermarket corporation is
also very corrupt and has the corrupt control of the union for the workers (and
where for example one of the deals the union made with that cruel, corrupt
corporation was so cruel for the workers that the government had to step in to
stop it from happening) and also that cruel, corrupt corporation's management at
a higher level at their head office, especially in their human resources
department, is largely and mostly constituted of females, who many started out
for that cruel, corrupt corporation as supermarket checkout operators, and/or
academically educated at a university institution, and then they go to work in
that cruel, corrupt, corporation's head office and spend their time sitting
down comfortably covering up that corporation's cruel corruption and enslaving
males to do the very horrible physically heavy and hard and mentally mundane
manual labour for that cruel, corrupt corporation that they have never had to
do so they do not know how horrible it is and they are very cruel, conniving,
corrupt and malicious in their occupation for that cruel, corrupt corporation.
And that massively, extensive corrupt, corporate supermarket corporation that I
worked for even allegedly has the Melbourne mafia in their payoffs through
their massive and profitable fruit and vegetable purchases and sales. So trying
to deal with the cruel corporate corruption that I was experiencing at the
supermarket that I worked for legally in the form of the human resources
department, or the unions was all obviously out of the question, and even
trying to deal with the corporation's corruption illegally, by approaching
members of the established and current Melbourne mafia to help me, was also out
of the question as that supermarket corporation is a very big, profitable
business for them - So I was all on my own and I am still on my own right now -
Because after a year of cruel, corporate corruption from my former
Australian-Indian store manager, who constantly threatened me with my job if I
did not do the masses of unpaid overtime each week - which amounted to
approximately 20 hours of unpaid overtime each week for the last year, because
I was working 10 hour shifts without a break because of the cruel, corporate
corruption of my former Australian-Indian store manager - and which resulted in
me becoming increasingly rundown, angry, and also eventually very sick with a
bad flu that my corrupt, corporate former Australian-Indian store manager then
used to unfairly and illegally terminate me from my job both because I had
started to use my words to write down in the supermarket nightfill log book
about his fraudulent capitalist corporate behavior and his exploitation of me,
and because I was then off work sick for 3 days with this bad case of the flu -
(my former Australian-Indian store manager terminated me on the 3rd day that I
was sick with this flu). And now I am homeless, and I am very angry, and I am
hiding out here at Melbourne Cemetery because of the cruel, corporate
corruption of my former supermarket store male manager and also that cruel,
conniving, corrupt corporation's human resources head office's many malicious,
matriarchal females who are all the exact opposite to our world's very
necessary benevolent good corporations. And so now in this digital data diary
of mine here on the global internet world-wide-web I am using my Apple iPhone
and my art as a weapon to expose that wrongful, horrible, supermarket, cruel,
corrupt corporation that so cruelly and wrongfully mistreated, used, abused,
enslaved and hurt me and tried so hard to destroy me so cruelly and wrongfully
in every type of way that they could - and I will not tolerate that type of
behaviour being done to me anymore ever again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-67971151240012961742015-05-26T00:44:00.001+10:002015-09-24T23:44:52.741+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 8<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">By Adam
Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 8 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">The following is my personal statement about the
families that I lived in until I ran away from home in shame when I was sixteen
years old. The first family that I lived in was my birth family in Adelaide and
then in the trailer park on the Gold Coast until I was seven years old when due
to changes in divorce laws and the hedonistic, drunken chaos of the trailer
park and the breakdown of marriage and monogamy, amidst affairs my parents thus
divorced. And then when my parents divorced when I was seven I lived with my
mixed Anglo-Saxon-Australian father in a cheap rundown flat above a takeaway
food shop until I was 11 years old, whilst my blood-sister went and lived with
my Anglo-Saxon-Australian mother and my Maori-Australian stepfather. And in
regards to my blood-sister, my first real childhood memories of her are after
my parents divorced when she became an increasingly extremely spoilt brat and
also a very nasty person towards me back then, and now analysing her behaviour
at this stage of my life and in light of what I later found out about my
stepfather sexually molesting her when she began puberty, when many years later
as an adult she broke down and cried and told me, and which after asking her
what she wanted me to do about it she said she wanted an apology letter from
our stepfather for what he did to her – which after two years of psychological
warfare I finally got an apology letter from my stepfather for her which he
bravely wrote and she then eventually courageously forgave him in what has been
so far the only real healing in my family. Because in terms of myself I am
still so messed up from my years of horrific abuse that I went through from the
age that I was eleven years old until I was sixteen years old from my
stepfamily on the North Coast of New South Wales here in Australia where they
were all Anglo-Saxon Australians. And this is where I saw my birth blood
father’s true colours as he was a very weak male and a coward and a workaholic
and sport addict who hid in his workaholic and sport addictive behaviour in
order to block out his personal problems and not deal with them and to
literally work and run from all of his problems instead. And as a teen, the
only similarities I could see between my birth-father and my stepfather were
that they both became shorter than me and back then would occasionally and
wrongfully lash out and psychologically belittle me because they were both
seemingly insecure about their shorter height, which I otherwise would not have
even noticed or thought about - as at 177cm tall I am of what is socially
considered of average male height - and there are many males who are shorter
than me who unlike my father are very aware and artistic and interesting and
intense and powerful people - so at the end of the day the height of a person
is not an issue unless that person makes it one regarding their personal
outlook and attitude and the way that they behave - and secondly regarding my
family, both my birth-father and my stepfather were workaholics who preached
and prided themselves on their work ethic - however in hindsight they were both
workaholics and preached and prided themselves on their work ethic for
different reasons – plus at the end of the day all their work and work-ethic
was for their own self-gain. Because my stepfather was obviously priding
himself on being a workaholic and his work-ethic to try and block out his guilt
for sexually molesting my birth-sister. Whilst my birth-father was obviously
priding himself on being a workaholic and his work ethic to try and keep not
dealing with his personal problems which was a failed first marriage and then
based entirely and wrongfully staying in a horrible and failing second marriage
which was a blatant mistake to an extremely cruel, malicious abusive woman who
was my stepmother. For my stepmother was an extremely cruel, malicious and
abusive person to me, which was made even worse whenever she drank alcohol
including her bad-mood alcohol hangovers which made her even more cruel and
psychologically abusive towards me. And my malicious, abusive stepmother
controlled everything, and most of the family finances went to funding her
expensive horse farm that my father got for her which cost a fortune to run as
the horses were treated like royalty if they won prizes for her or abused and
destroyed if they couldn't - whilst I was continually and constantly extremely,
maliciously and cruelly abused there on that horrible horse farm home - because
part of my abuse was being made to go around and pick up the horse manure on
that six-acre horrible horse farm which my stepmother would then sell as
fertilizer to try make more money as besides being extremely malicious and
cruel she was also an extremely greedy person. And my stepmother had two
children of her own - a son who was one year younger than me - and a daughter
who was three years younger than me - and my foster stepbrother and foster
stepsister were performing acts of direct brother and sister by blood, sexually
incestuous games from a young age because as looking back as children we were
all so sexual from a young age - however unlike in previous eras in history
when we humans were often having children from the onset of puberty at around
12 years old to 13 years old - now in this day and age that obviously
seems way too young and all the sexual experimenting games we play when we are
too young to know why it is actually wrong is what messes the minds of so many
of us when we get older and know better and regret what we sexually did at too
young an age - which is why parents need to talk to their children about sex at
the right age to avoid these later regretful sexual experimenting games
children can play - and also to obviously protect children from being preyed
upon by pedophiles because although children can be sexual from a young age -
all children must and need to be protected from sexual behaviour that they are
not yet meant to do when they are at too young an age. I know because I walked
in on one of their sexually incestuous game sessions one evening when my
blood-father and stepmother were both still at work. Then when one of my
cousins came to visit, a girl the same age as me, for the first time in years I
had a family member to properly talk to, and my stepbrother and stepsister were
obviously extremely concerned that I would tell her that they were having a
brother and sister sexually incestuous relationship, so they tried to frame me
for having an incestuous sexual relationship with my cousin by saying that they
witnessed their false allegation of sexual interaction between me and my
cousin. Then when my malicious stepmother was told of this lie by her two
children, she laughed and said that it was probably true, whilst my weak
blood-father stood by and said nothing to defend me as usual. Then after my
cousin left with her parents who were my auntie and uncle and who told me to
get away from my father and his new family as soon as possible as they were
sick, cruel people, my malicious stepmother, stepbrother and stepsister began
to taunt me that they would go and tell all their family and friends, including
my blood-mother and blood-sister and stepfather about this so called incestuous
relationship that I'd had with my cousin - obviously to both maliciously taunt
me, and to also scare me into keeping quiet about their direct blood-brother
and blood-sister incestuous sexual relationship that I had witnessed them doing
whilst watching porn in my blood-father’s and stepmother’s bedroom when they
were out at work. And also when I first arrived to live with my stepfamily, I
had a pet stray cat that I'd found on the street and which had then became my
pet cat. And my stepmother, stepbrother and stepsister maliciously killed my
pet cat, and then after they did that, each morning before school, my
stepmother, stepbrother and stepsister would maliciously tease, torment and
taunt me about killing my pet cat. Also when I first arrived to live with this
new foster family at the age of 11 years old, I had my diary that I loved to
write in, and my guitar that I had been learning, and all my books that I loved
to read all taken away from me and I was made to go around with a wheelbarrow,
and for an hour before school, two hours after school, and all day on weekends,
I was made to pick up the horse manure on their horrible horse farm whilst they
all ridiculed and laughed at me especially from on top of their horses. And I
was also horrifically sexually molested there as I was sexually orally raped in
that stepfamily when I was 13 years old by my gay stepbrother and his gay male
friend who held me down as my gay stepbrother sexually orally raped me – and
because I had still yet to go through puberty properly like they had both
already started to go through, and because I was also terrified in tremendous
fear whilst being sexually raped by my gay stepbrother and his gay male friend
- my penis was not erect like both there penis's which had already started to
go through puberty were - and instead my penis was small and shrivelled in fear
as my gay stepbrother's gay male friend held me down whilst my gay stepbrother
tried to sexually orally molest me - but my gay stepbrother had great
difficulty orally sexually molesting me as my penis had yet to go through
puberty like their erect penis's which had already started to go through
puberty - and also my penis was not erect like their erect penis's - and
instead my penis was shrivelled in fear - so my gay stepbrother and his gay
male friend ridiculed me over the size of my small shrivelled in fear penis
which had yet to go through puberty and which was not erect like their penises
which had already started to go through puberty - and instead my penis was
shrivelled in fear and not erect and so my gay stepbrother who was trying to
orally sexually molest me after he and his gay male friend had ridiculed me
over the size of my penis which was shrivelled in fear and not erect and nor
had I started to go through puberty yet like they both had - so my gay
stepbrother then viciously bit my then small shriveled in fear and yet to go
through puberty penis - and until I started to finally go through puberty when
my penis then began to properly grow in size - in the meantime I lived in
extreme fear and extreme anxiety at the age that I was 13 years old because I
was so anxious that my penis was damaged and would not grow properly because of
the vicious bite that my gay stepbrother did on my penis when I was thirteen
years old when he and his gay male friend held me down and sexually molested me
and tried to sexually rape me when my gay stepbrother was trying to orally
sexually molest me and my non-erect small shriveled in fear penis that my gay
stepbrother was trying to sexually orally molest me was yet to go through
puberty and was not erect and was instead small and shriveled in fear which my
gay stepbrother viciously bit and then he and his gay male friend ridiculed me
over the size of my then small penis which had yet to go through puberty and
was not erect like their erect gay penis's were - And then to add insult to
injury as my gay stepbrother held me down his gay male friend then sat on my
face and right on top of my nose with his disgusting stinking faeces covered
anus hole and he gave me what they called a "choc nose" - which is to
cover my nose in his human faeces from his disgusting stinking faeces filled anus
- And after I was sexually molested by my gay stepbrother and his gay male
friend when I was thirteen years old on that horrible day that I will
unfortunately never ever forget - I straight away continually violently vomited
until only bile would painfully keep coming up in in that scalding hot shower
that I straight away went and had, and I also cried and uncontrollably sobbed
and sobbed for hours. And also every weekday morning before school whilst I
lived with this cruel, malicious stepfamily from the age that I was 11 years
old until I was 16 years old, whilst my stepbrother and stepsister watched and
cruelly and maliciously laughed, my stepmother would maliciously and violently
psychologically abuse me every weekday morning before school until I would have
a bad panic anxiety attack and I then developed asthma and I would get an
asthma attack so bad that I would then often have to be rushed to hospital and
put on an oxygen breathing machine and my face especially my lips would turn
blue from lack of oxygen and being able to breathe and I would be told to lay
on my right side by the nurses to keep pressure off my heart due the severity
of the asthma attacks which suddenly stopped when I ran away from that horrible
house of real-life horror and abuse when I was sixteen years old – But before I
did, at the age I turned 16 years old I began to plan my violent revenge upon
them – as I initially started training myself for an all out personal war
against them. Because I firstly I bought a replica glock gun from the war museum
over the border - And this replica glock gun shot plastic bullets at targets
for me to practice my shooting with. And so I would sit for hours each night in
my old caravan that I lived in at the back of the house on that horrible horse
farm property, and practice my shooting with my replica glock gun and shoot the
plastic bullets at the targets, and I would picture images of my stepfamily on
those targets as I shot that replica gun and bullets at them - (there wasn't
enough rooms in the house for me to live in - and I did not obviously want to
live in their horrible house anyway - so there was an old caravan that I lived
in down the back of the house on the horse farm which fortunately kept me away
from my stepfamily at night, and also allowed me to train myself against them
at night inside that caravan at the back of their horse farm). And besides
practicing with my replica glock gun, I also bought a hunting dagger and began
to practice throwing this at night outside of my caravan at targets that I had
made of my stepfamily. And I also began to physically train my body in order to
get my health into shape by running and lifting makeshift weights each night.
And as my stepfamily's abuse continued over the years, all my extreme anxiety
eventually turned into extreme anger and the desire for revenge upon them. So
at the age I turned 16 years old a violent plan and desire for revenge had
formed in my mind, as all my anger and desire for revenge had by then
manifested in a sexual manner towards my younger stepsister who by then at the
age of thirteen years old had just started to go through sexual puberty as she
became both beautiful and unfortunately she then also became extremely sexually
desirable and very sexually attractive to me. So even though I knew it was
wrong, I was so messed up at age sixteen years old including in my teenage
sexual puberty and all my abuse induced anger and rage at age sixteen, I then
planned to rape my younger stepsister whilst my stepmother, stepbrother and
blood-father were all tied up and made to watch, and then I would burn that
horrible house of abuse and horse farm down and runaway over the border and
back to the Gold Coast. And then as the months went by and my stepfamily's
abuse and my plans and my desires for revenge increased until finally it was
New Years Eve and there was a New Years Eve party on my father’s and
stepfamily's property for them and all of their family and friends to attend -
and it was here that I acted out my plans for revenge in front of as many of my
father’s and stepfamily's family and friends as possible. As firstly, as the
night and the New Years Eve party began, I went and stole and snuck away a
bottle of rum from the bar - (and I could now try to blame the alcohol as I
have so often tried to do over the years when I have been overcome with guilt -
but deep down I always knew that my desire to rape my younger stepsister was
already in me and the alcohol only gave me the extra edge and the ‘dutch
courage’ to be able to want to go through with it) – so then and there when I
was age sixteen years old at that New Years Eve party I went and sculled as
much of that bottle of rum as I could and then I staggered over to my
younger 13 year old stepsister and pulled her to the ground and tried to rip her
clothes off as I tried to rape her in front of everyone. However I was so drunk
on the rum that I passed out collapsed on the ground on top of my stepsister
clutching her so lustfully that no-one could pry me off her – so when I woke in
the morning at the break of dawn with my head pounding but sober and surrounded
by people who had passed out drunkenly watching me try to rape my younger
thirteen year old stepsister, in extreme shame I quickly got off her and ran to
my caravan at the back of the horrible horse farm and grabbed my small stash of
money that I had been hiding from some of the sales of the horse manure I was
made to pick up and then I caught a bus over the border and back to the Gold
Coast. And in terms of my plans, desires and actions for revenge upon my
stepfamily which unfortunately at age sixteen going through puberty it also
manifested in me in a sexually very violent way in desiring to sexually rape my
younger stepsister I am now truly sorry and filled with self-loathing and
regret and guilt and shame that I doubt in this life will ever go away – and
that is something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life - and
you can judge me all you want – So all I can do to console myself and get
through each day is to try and understand how being pushed over the edge,
especially sexually in puberty and at age sixteen, can then manifest wrongfully
and lustfully as it did for me towards my younger stepsister. And I have
tattoos of that hunting dagger on both my forearms, and tattoos of that glock
gun on both of my hands as proof and a permanent reminder of those horrible
years of abuse that I endured from my stepfamily - and also as a permanent
reminder of what happens to a person like me when they are pushed too far and
over the edge and may never be able to truly come back to who they were before
they experienced those real-life horrors that I have experienced and which I am
now still scarred by with the guilt and the shame - as I have to still live
with the memory of desiring and trying to personally and also publicly sexually
rape my thirteen year old stepsister when I was sixteen years old - which
I now publicly here on the global internet world-wide-web would like to
sincerely say sorry and apologise to her for trying to do so.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-15076454939365260572015-05-26T00:38:00.001+10:002015-09-24T23:54:06.095+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 9<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">By Adam
Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 9 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">As stated in my previous diary data entry, at the
age that I was sixteen years old, alcohol was the first drug that I ever tried,
which was in the form of rum that I sculled and used to try help get the ‘dutch
courage’ to publically rape my stepsister that back then I so badly and
shamefully desired and wanted to do anyway. So back then at age sixteen years
old when I then ran away from home and dropped out of school and moved back
across the border to the Gold Coast in the state of Queensland in the country
of Australia I then began to use illicit drugs and I also became a drug dealer
as well. The first illicit drug that I tried was marijuana. However I only
tried and used marijuana 3 times as I hated it, because marijuana made me
extremely paranoid and uncomfortable and it was in complete opposition to the
way my individuality and personality functions as it took away my
self-confidence and made my thoughts scattered with too much ambiguity and no
clarity regarding what was the right answer to the many overwhelming questions
my mind painfully in paranoia pondered- and I have never used marijuana since
and I will never use marijuana again. The next illicit drug that I tried was
the drug speed which I did not like as it made me feel too aggressive and the
comedown from it was too chaotic and depressing. The next illicit drug that I
tried was LSD, and which I used recreationally here and there for five years.
However now LSD is a drug that I will never use again. The reasons for this are
that LSD may offer immediate in-depth and insightful realisations - However
those in-depth and insightful realisations that LSD can provide are way too
quick and temporary to be practically integrated into everyday life - and also
the psychic powers and abilities that LSD may provide are also frustratingly
temporary and wear off when the trip finishes - So at the end of each LSD trip,
there is only the memory of the in-depth realisations, the in-depth insights,
and the psychic powers - but there is no practical natural ability,
understanding or process to naturally use, integrate and practice the in-depth
insights, in-depth realisations and psychic powers that can be experienced on
LSD – And in addition to this LSD can change and alter your spirit/soul’s
physical vibrational rate, which can then allow some people to channel, however
channeling is wrong as it can drag another human spirit out of the spirit realm
or even a non-human spirit from another part of the universe into your physical
body along with your own individual personal spirit/soul, which besides being
cosmologically wrong, it is also potentially harmful to both your own
spirit/soul and the spirit/soul being channeled – So do not channel as
channeling is wrong whether you are on LSD or not - And it is for those
abovementioned reasons that I will not use LSD again. The next drug I tried was
ketamine - and I do not like ketamine - I did the drug ketamine at one of my
friend's and his girlfriend's houses in the middle of winter - And we did not
know how much to use, so we just laid out quite long lines of the ketamine on
their coffee table and began snorting away in their lounge room - And then the
next thing I know I am sitting on a mattress on the floor, whilst my friend
tries to keep getting the fire going that for some strange reason on that
night, kept going out in their fireplace, and while he does this, his
girlfriend is staring at the roof in silence and with a look of awe on her
face. Meanwhile, feeling physically unable to get up off the mattress I was
sitting on, I suddenly feel as though I am being dragged by some unexplainable
and unseen force into a candle that is in the middle of the coffee table that I
am sitting in front of - and I have to grip my hands into the mattress in order
to stop myself from being dragged into that candle on the coffee table in front
of me - Next I start hearing a woman singing in an eerie angelic church choir
like voice down past their hallway and in their dining room - and seeing that
there is only myself, my friend and his girlfriend there - it freaks me out and
I have to go and investigate - However my ability to walk is impaired by the
ketamine and I have to struggle to get up off the mattress and as I do I prop
myself up against the wall - I then somehow manage to slowly slide down the
wall of their hallway to their dining room in order to see who the hell this
woman with the eerie angelic church choir like voice is and why she is in the
house with us - and after taking what seems like forever to get myself down
their hallway by sliding myself against the wall - when I get to the dining
room there is no-one there but the room feels unusually cold and eerie and I
feel an overwhelming urge to get myself back to their lounge room. So I then
slowly slide myself against the wall back down the hallway, and when I reach
the lounge room I slide down the wall and back onto the mattress again, and
then sit on the mattress by propping myself up against the wall. I then
suddenly feel my vision and the pumping of my heart both constricting at the
same time - and I feel as though I am about to physically die - for as my
vision narrows into an increasingly smaller tunnel, I can also feel my heart
constricting and having increasingly dangerous difficulty in pumping blood
around my body. This tunnel vision and constricting of my heart and its ability
to pump blood around my body increases until I begin to think that I maybe
about to die - and then I start to think about death - and suddenly my thoughts
are focused directly on Heaven and Hell - and then my narrowing tunnel vision
stops narrowing and my heart stops constricting, and I can feel my heart
pumping my blood around my body with less constriction - And then as I focus on
these physical aspects of what I am experiencing - my vision starts to tunnel
again and my heart starts to again feel very constricted and have increasing
difficulty in pumping blood around my body - And then my thoughts focus again
on the possibility that I am again about to die - And then suddenly I am
thinking of Heaven and Hell again - And then my tunnel vision stops narrowing
and my heart feels less dangerously constricted in pumping blood around my body
- And suddenly I can actually feel the presence of God above me and the Devil
beneath me - and both are battling against each other for power - and then as
this feeling overwhelms me - suddenly the ketamine wears off almost instantly
and I am staring at my friend and girlfriend who are also staring at me - And
the first thing my friend says is what time is it as it feels like at least 12
hours have past - which it definitely does feel like 12 hours have past -
However when we look at the clock only 2 hours have past for that whole intense
and quite frightening experience - And the next day after taking the ketamine
that night - my whole body felt lethargic and my blood felt like glue being
pumped around my body and I felt a mix of being slightly irritable and slightly
anxious - And that was the only time that I used ketamine and because of those
abovementioned reasons I would never use the drug ketamine again. Then the next
illicit drug that I used and dealt was ecstasy. And even though I used the drug
ecstasy a lot, I will never use the drug ecstasy again. The reason that I will
never use the drug ecstasy again, is that for me personally, it was never the
so-called love drug that it was claimed to be - and for me personally, the drug
ecstasy never even gave me a sense of empathy. Instead when I was on the drug
ecstasy, I used to just enjoy brooding and scheming about how I could be
successful with my artwork. And then for the next couple of days after I had
used the drug ecstasy, I would feel a mixture of being irritable, annoyed,
uncomfortable, frustrated and anxious and if I had binged use too much ecstasy
I would get a bad cold/flu for a few days afterwards along with bad anxiety and
depression. In terms of cocaine, it was another illicit drug that I used for
awhile and which I used by injecting it. However cocaine is also a drug that I
will never use again for two reasons. Firstly because cocaine was always too
much like a quick, cheap thrill - and the euphoria of cocaine would always wear
off way too quickly - and even for those short periods when I was really high
on the euphoria of cocaine - the self-confidence that cocaine provided always
made me feel as though I was walking and talking way too cocky and arrogant to
actually fully enjoy the euphoria of cocaine in any social setting - and also,
no matter what social situation and setting, that euphoria of cocaine would
also always wear off way too quickly anyway - and that is the reason that I
will never use the drug cocaine again. And the illicit drug heroin was also a
drug that I used for a period of seven years including the fact that I was a
heroin addict - and so now heroin is also a drug that I will never use again.
For I use to either smoke or inject heroin, including after I had used too many
upper drugs like amphetamines and cocaine - for a prolonged period - and in
order to make the come down off those upper drugs less emotionally, mentally
and physically painful through the process of smoking or injecting heroin. And
for the first year I used heroin I did so recreationally and I never used
heroin for more than 2 days in a row out of fear of getting addicted to it like
so many people that I knew around me were. And then in the second year I used
heroin I began relying upon it in troubled times and I began using heroin every
day and night and for the next six years I battled with heroin addiction. And
even though heroin withdrawal is only for 3 days it is 3 very long days and
nights of extreme pain and constantly craving heroin, and having really bad
stomach pains and stomach problems and also extremely bad body pains all over
my body, and an inability to sleep for more than a couple of hours at a time -
and then when I did sleep I would have really bad nightmares for those short
periods of sleep. Then finally after those 3 days of extreme pain of heroin
withdrawal, on the 4th day, feeling shaky and slightly uncomfortable, but no
longer suffering from anymore severe physical pain, my horrible heroin
withdrawal would finally finish – but then I would relapse and stupidly get
addicted again including once carelessly making the mistake of sticking the
needle of heroin too far into my vein in my arm and I instead went into my
artery in my arm which cut off the circulation to my arm causing my forearm and
hand to swell up so I had to go to hospital and the nurse there told me that if
the artery in my arm did not unblock in two hours I would have to have my arm
amputated which obviously caused me to sit there in shock but thankfully the
artery in my arm eventually unblocked and the blood started to flow into my
forearm and hand again and I was able to go home from the hospital healthy
without having my forearm and hand amputated – and I have also seen someone
dead from heroin overdose and I have nearly overdosed myself as I kept jolting
awake and alive again as I saw myself dying in possible past-lives – because
for example one possible past-life looked like it was in medieval times in
Europe and was I on top of a horse ready to go into battle as I was holding a
sword and I knew whoever’s side I was on we were outnumbered and going to die
but we had to charge into battle and try and win anyway, and as I charged
towards my enemies who were also on horseback brandishing swords I was knocked
off onto the ground and then I saw someone with a sword forcefully stab me and
kill me which fearfully woke me up with my heart then pounding as I lay leaning
against my bedroom wall awake again in this life from having too much heroin as
seemingly thankfully the universe did not want me to die then in this life which
I otherwise so easily could have done then from using too much heroin. And I
will never use heroin again - because heroin is a drug that shuts you down
emotionally, mentally and physically, and heroin makes you very apathetic and
boring, and the severity of the pain of that 3 day heroin withdrawal is another
major factor in my decision to steer clear of heroin and never use it again. As
I did make the mistake of using methadone to legally treat my opiate addiction,
and although it was cheap and legal it was in the end not practical as the
methadone wouldn’t last 24 hours and instead would only last about 20 hours
unless I went up on my dose by 5mg to 10 mg but then when I stabilized again on
that dose it would wear off after 20 hours and I would have to painfully wait
for four hours each morning until I could get my next dose of methadone
medicine to feel comfortable and pain free again – and because of this I
went up to 120mg a day of methadone– and then when I’d had enough off being on
methadone I reduced by jumping down by 2.5mg per day to 60mg a day and then I
painfully jumped off 60mg of methadone a day which unlike the 3 days of painful
heroin withdrawal the painful withdrawal off methadone lasted 11 days but
finally suffering in extreme pain alone I made it through that 60mg jump off
methadone and its very painful withdrawal by forcing myself to eat soup in
between rushing to the bathroom, and also exercising on the floor to make
alternative pain to the horrible pain of methadone withdrawal, and also doing
my writing art-work to get my mind focussed on something else and enjoyable,
and listening to other artist's music, in order to feel better to get through
that very horrible pain of methadone withdrawal - and after 11 days of extreme
pain by doing that I thankfully finally got off methadone. And in addition to
this regarding my prior heroin use I also contracted hepatitis-c from injecting
and I had to have six months of chemotherapy to get rid of the hepatitis-c
virus which despite being difficult I successfully made it through and
thankfully cleared myself of the hepatitis c virus. And finally the last drug
that I have used is the drug ice - and at first I smoked the ice but then I
began injecting it - and that ice rush is the best drug experience and the most
powerful and intense euphoric drug rush that I have ever experienced regarding
any drug - and even though ice is a form of amphetamine - ice is nothing like
the drug speed - and the ice injections have more of a euphoric rush than
cocaine does - but without all the annoying trippy side effects that occur from
a large cocaine injection - and also, unlike cocaine, that euphoric rush of
that ice injection lasts for hours and hours - And also ice is the drug that
has the most powerful effect on sharpening my mind and also intensifying my
libido sex drive in a powerful way - and to be honest I sometimes still crave
to use the drug ice but only in an occasional recreational, harm-minimisation,
partying, pleasurable way - And regarding recreational drug use this is a
serious issue that needs to be publicly discussed and debated including
changing our drug laws - because I personally do not like nor drink the only
legal recreational drug alcohol that kills more people here each year than all
illegal recreational drug deaths all combined together which is obviously very
hypocritical and unfair for people like me who do not like, nor enjoy nor drink
the currently only legal recreational drug which is alcohol - and obviously
there is always the question of whether to totally abstain from all
recreational drug use or have an economical and harm-minimisation legal
strategy for every recreational drug which is both fair and respectable for
every individual regarding their recreational drug(s) of choice and whether to
use or to not use recreational drugs regarding their own individual rights
regarding their personal-political opinions and decisions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-31084846575865668892015-05-26T00:36:00.001+10:002015-09-25T00:52:33.917+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 10<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY
DIGITAL DATA ENTRY 10 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">This diary data entry is specifically about alcohol
- because alcohol is the drug that I fear the most because in my diary data
entry 8 I specifically explain in detail how I sculled from a bottle of rum
when I was age sixteen years old at a family New Years Eve party and then I
staggered over to the New Years Eve party bonfire and I publicly and violently
and forcefully and very lustfully tried to sexually rape my younger, beautiful,
pubescent, pretty, teenage, thirteen year old stepsister in front of my
blood-father, my blood-sister, my stepfamily and their friends at that New
Years Eve party – And as I previously stated in my diary data entry 9 I could
easily blame alcohol but those lustful bad desires were already in me to sexually
rape my stepsister – however that has scared me from drinking alcohol ever
since – and for some reason this has attracted a lot of abuse from people who
are under the influence of alcohol in my life including from a very young age
before I even drank alcohol – as one of the earliest memories I have of growing
up in the drunken environment of the caravan trailer park before my parents
divorced was as a young child and being with my father who was drunk and I was
sitting opposite him and on the lap of a male pedophile who I did not know and
who got me drunk and fed me chocolate and wrongfully fondled me until I vomited
– and then in the drunken parties above the takeaway food shop after my parents
divorced I remember adult couples sneaking into my bedroom when I was asleep
and waking me and with a funny tingling feeling in my stomach as they has sex
next to me – and after my blood-parents divorced, between the ages that I was
an 8 year old to 11 year old boy, one of my blood-father’s girlfriend’s when
she was drunk got me to suck on her breasts whilst also my father used to
spread her legs open so she was nakedly exposing herself and she was sexually
aroused and turned on when this happened – and then when my father married my
malicious abusive stepmother when I was 11 years old - my malicious, abusive
stepmother would become even more abusive under the influence of alcohol
including also her bad-mood alcohol hangovers – and then also doing horrible
physically heavy and hard and mentally mundane manual labour for so many years
I had to put up with some co-workers making it harder and even worse by being
either illegally drunk and abusive at work and/or having a bad mood alcohol
hangover and taking it out on me at work by being abusive including drunken
cruel ridicule and even having a box of tinned tuna painfully thrown at my head
by a ridiculing male I was ignoring and who was illegally under the influence
of alcohol at work – and also I was screamed at frighteningly from behind in a
public phone box by a drunk male who then bashed and repeatedly kicked me in
the head when I was on the ground and slammed my head into a brick wall - which
resulted in me having dangerous internal bleeding on the brain, a broken nose,
temporary loss of hearing, sharp stabbing painful piercing headaches, and a
permanently fractured skull which neurosurgeons later told me I was lucky to be
alive as that fracture in my skull had just missed a major artery in my head
which if it had of hit that major artery in my head I would have died
immediately there on the ground from massive blood loss, and I was also
unconscious and then in hospital - and in hospital whilst I was unconscious - I
had a horrible nightmare-like experience where I was falling slowly down into a
massive quarry like hole in the ground that was made of shiny dark bitumen like
rock - and my whole head was pounding and I could taste and smell the bitumen -
and it felt like the massive migraine headache that I had was pounding and
ingrained with particles of the bitumen - and as I descended down into this
rock quarry-like pit - All down the sides of the pit there were hollow alcoves
dug out that were filled with dead bodies that were not decaying dead bodies -
but instead somehow I knew without a doubt that all those bodies were of dead
people who were in some kind of coma-like sleep. And then as I fell deeper and
deeper into the rock quarry-like pit of shiny black rock - I suddenly saw the
frightening figure of a person who looked exactly like the classic hangman
executioner from history - and he had a sack over his head with only holes in
it for his eyes - and he was rapidly working and straining to carve out another
hollowed alcove down in the rock quarry pit were I was now suspended and
staring in fear next to him - And then as he turned and looked at me - I felt a
massive jolt of fear go through me from his stare back at me and his fearful
presence - And suddenly I was laying in my hospital bed in some kind of half
asleep and half awake nightmare-like state that I was trying to shake myself
out of from fear and back into being properly awake and then alive again -
because around me in my hospital bed, even though I was still
asleep/unconscious - there were all these people with bandages and wounds
looming over me - and I somehow instinctively knew that they were all dead and
had died in the hospital - and it was then that their eerie frightening
presence caused another massive jolt of fear to go through me and which woke me
up into being awake and fully conscious and alive again in the hospital
suffering those abovementioned severe head injuries. So as you can see alcohol
has caused me many problems in my life – and although it is legal it is
important for people who drink alcohol and judge people like me for being an
illegal drug user and a former illegal drug addict to remember that alcohol is
still a drug and although alcohol is a legal drug, in my country Australia,
alcohol kills more people each year here than all illegal drug deaths here all
combined together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #0e0e0e; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-82715589447656206872015-05-26T00:34:00.001+10:002015-09-25T01:02:44.374+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 11<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 11 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">So based on previous digital diary data entries,
especially diary data entries 8 and 10, you can see why I fear alcohol -
because I have experienced so much abuse in my life because of alcohol. And for
the record, the fact that alcohol is legal is complete hypocrisy, as alcohol
kills more people in this country each year than the deaths of all illegal
drugs in this country combined together. So I do not care if alcohol is legal
as I refuse to be a victim ever again to people who are abusive on alcohol. In
addition to this I am glad that I no longer work for and enslaved by that
horrible supermarket corporation which is also one of the largest corporations
and private employers in Australia and in addition to this it is also the
largest retailer of alcohol and owns the most hotels in Australia – So in terms
of cruel, capitalist corporations that above-mentioned one that I worked for
too many years since a teen is one of the worst as I was used, abused and
exploited for far too long doing horrible physically heavy and hard mentally
mundane manual labour – and where I was subject to illegal behavior which
included cruel ridiculing abuse by co-workers including those illegally under
he influence of alcohol and/or in a bad-mood alcohol hangover at work, and
having a box of tinned tuna painfully thrown at my head by a co-worker who was
illegally under the influence of alcohol at work, and also fraud by a manager
there who made me work so many unpaid hours for his own financial gain, and
also because I am openly against the cruel sport of horse racing one of the
managers there who is also a horse race trainer tried to illegally frame me by
asking me to help her stack a wooden pallet on top of another one and then when
I politely helped her she immediately lied and tried to get me in trouble
including with a criminal record by lying and saying that I threw the pallet at
her however thankfully I was saved by a surveillance camera which recorded me
gently and politely helping her stack that wooden pallet onto another one and
when she found out about the recorded surveillance camera footage saving me she
nearly fainted and had to go sit down – however I was stupid and left it to
that corrupt corporation to handle it as all they did was let her get away with
it and then she transferred to another supermarket store but not before she
lied to try set up another male co-worker also – something needs to be done
about that cruel, corrupt, capitalist corporation as just thinking about it
makes me think like a terrorist towards it – not that I would ever want to hurt
anyone there – however I have a lot of hate towards that cruel, corrupt,
capitalist corporation for the way that I was so wrongfully mistreated
including especially exploited by them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-17041593586360444802015-05-26T00:32:00.001+10:002015-09-25T01:08:02.441+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 12<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 12 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">In this digital diary data entry I just want to
state for the record that I am personally against art being studied at a
university or any other institution. Because art, which is made up of passion,
creativity, personality and individuality is not something that can be, or
needs to be, or should be studied at an institution. And institutional based
learning should be kept only for studies which require the necessary skills,
qualifications and accreditation of being taught in an institution so that they
can then be legally practiced in society - such as law, medicine and science
and engineering degrees. And the main reason that I am personally against art
being studied at an institution, is that institutional based learning takes the
passion out of art and it also inhibits the personality and individual style of
artists - which can clearly be seen in the inhibiting of personality and
individuality in artists who have an art institutional based background - and
also all the people that I have met and/or personally studied who liked and
were able to function studying art in an institution, all seemed to only be
able to be artistically productive in the institution because they were
functioning under the institutions unnecessary and individuality destroying art
mentors - and also those same people who enjoyed studying art at an
institution, were also only able to be artistically productive because they
were all stealing each others art ideas for their artwork that they produced in
the institution, and the reason for this was because those people who enjoyed
and were productive studying art an institution, lack their own creative
individuality, personal style and artistic ideas - And those are the reasons
why they all liked and were able to be productive in the horrible environment
of studying art at an institution. And all the artists that I like and respect,
both in the past and present, were either non-institutional based artists, or
artists who either dropped out or got kicked out of an art institution. And also
anyone studying artists at an art institution must feel a sense of antagonising
contemptuous irony in the fact that so many of the artists that they are
studying were either rejected and/or kicked out of art institutions in their
lives. So anyone studying art at an institution should get out of the
institution and put their time and money that they are spending at the
institution into working on and self-funding their own art careers - And also
to save their individuality and personality and passion in their artwork - Because
institutions are the enemy of passion, personality and individuality in art.
And to tell you the truth - I would be glad if the Arts were phased out of
institutions - because they are viewed by so many in the money making
mannerisms of institutions in this day and age to be not economically
productive - For at least then art will be finally completely free of the
horrible, sterile environment of art institutions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-70683838408833437672015-05-26T00:30:00.001+10:002015-09-25T01:27:26.465+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 13<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY
DIGITAL DATA ENTRY 13 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">In terms of attempting to make it as an artist in
life - It is in many ways a massive risk that you have to take - especially in
terms of financial security - because as an aspiring ambitious artist - you
will always have to consider that you will never make it as an artist and you
may have to spend your life living in poverty and most likely either working
horrible, mundane, passionless jobs to pay the bills - or even being homeless
like I am now, so that you can have as much time as possible to do your
artwork. However the goal of any ambitious artist is to be successful with
their artwork - but even if you never make it with your artwork, at least you
spent your life creating your artwork that you are passionate about. And in
terms of art and creativity - the most important aspect is having as much
productive time as possible to be creative and do your artwork. This means that
you have to make sacrifices in order to have as much creative time as possible
to do your artwork - And from personal experience, the aspects of my life that
have interfered with me having as much time as possible to do my artwork have
been people like - i) my art hating, alcoholic stepmother - ii) people who
don't understand the time I need to be alone to do my artwork and who then
waste my time and annoy me by harassing and nagging me about spending the
necessary time that I need to be alone to do my artwork - and iii) jobs, like
the horrible physically heavy and hard and mentally mundane manual labour job
that I worked for too many years, and which for that last year especially, I
was enslaved by that corporation and that corrupt, corporate manager, and I had
hardly any time at all to do my artwork because I had to work so many hours to
keep my job. But now that I have lost my job and I am now homeless - which has
obviously been a very frightening experience over the last 3 weeks - even
though I am homeless, I now finally have the time to think, focus and do my
artwork - And thanks to the Apple iPhone that I thankfully bought before I lost
my job - And also thanks to the internet world-wide-web - because even though I
am not unfortunately financially supporting myself here yet with my artwork, at
least after so many years of working on my art-work, especially my writing, now
in this important information internet new age I can finally put my artwork
onto the global internet world-wide-web where it can be seen.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #101010; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-79276382304541690602015-05-26T00:28:00.001+10:002015-09-25T01:34:00.815+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 14<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">By Adam
Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 14 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">I have just been considering what I wrote yesterday
about those of us who have an artistic orientation and how we should abandon
institutions because institutions are the artistic enemy of passion and
individuality, and instead we should be self-taught artists. In addition to
this, universities are increasingly becoming greedy, money making institutions
in society - and it seems almost inevitable that one day institutions, in our
increasingly class based society, will bring in upfront educational fee paying
for all students. However, I was just wondering about those people who are born
into impoverished circumstances and who do not want to be artists and instead
want to pursue a career that requires formal institutional learning and
accreditation - such as in law, medicine and the sciences. And if in our
increasingly class based society, institutions were to unfortunately bring in
upfront fee paying for all students - then this would be a major disadvantage
and a massive problem for poor students who want and need an institutional
based education and career. Because if institutional based learning becomes an
up-front fee paying scheme to all students in our increasingly class based
society, then an institutional based education and career will only be available
to students from a wealthier bourgeois middle and upper class background - and
this will unfortunately further maintain and increase social class barriers
because students from a wealthier bourgeois middle and upper class background
will easily be able to go straight into their chosen institutional education
and then subsequent career, whilst the only chance for those from a poor
background who want an institutional based education and career, will be to
spend years working some horrible, hard and mundane job in order to save the
money for their desired institutional based education and career - and this
means in such circumstances, it would be many years before people who are born
into impoverished circumstances would be able to finally afford and start their
desired chosen institutional based education because they will have to spend
many years working just to save for the money for their chosen institutional
based education and career - So you can see how horrible, hard and difficult it
would be for students from an impoverished background to get an institutional
based education and career if they desired one and if upfront fees were made
compulsory in institutional based learning. And also you can see how that
bringing in up-front fees would only maintain and increase social class
barriers by allowing wealthier bourgeois middle and upper class students to
easily get their chosen institutional based education and career, whilst making
it very difficult for students from a poor background who wanted an institutional
based education and career to get one because they were born into a lower
social class and impoverished circumstances. And in the abovementioned context,
in the oppressive and cruel class and caste based social system like India, the
concept of karma has wrongfully been applied to a person's class and caste in
order to wrongfully maintain a class and caste based society. So in that
'spiritual' and 'religious' context, in any class based social system, that
would mean that those who are born into impoverished circumstances are meant to
stay in impoverished circumstances due to their supposed karma which resulted
in them being initially born into an impoverished social situation in the first
place. And in addition to that, in such a 'spiritual' and 'religious' concept,
that would also mean that people who are born poor are meant to be denied a
chance to better their social situation and lives, and are instead meant to
stay poor and spend their lives living in poverty - and their form of
employment will be always limited to mentally mundane and physically hard
manual labour work. And I am sure that there are wealthy bourgeois middle and
upper class 'spiritual' and 'religious' people here in western society that
would adhere to such a cruel, exploitative and oppressive social belief system.
And I want to say straight out to such 'spiritual' and 'religious' people that
the whole notion that just because a person is born poor and into impoverished
circumstances reveals that person's intelligence and personal capabilities and
means that they are meant to stay poor and in impoverished circumstances and
spend their life working mentally mundane and physically hard and horrible
employment - is one big cruel social, 'spiritual' and 'religious' lie. Because
considering the underlying notions of reincarnation and karma that are the
foundations of such a cruel and wrongful 'spiritual' and religious' belief
system, there are so many examples of people both now and throughout history
that undermine the wrongful 'spiritual' and 'religious' belief that the
circumstances that a person is born into is controlled and limited by a
person's karma - for such a cruel and oppressive belief system is a complete
misuse of the whole concept of the term 'karma'. For example, look at all the
intelligent and talented artists that are born into poor and impoverished
circumstances, both now and throughout history. For as I mentioned in my diary
data entry number 13, there are so many intelligent and talented artists who
were born poor and who ignored, or denied, or got kicked out of an
institutional based education, but still spent their lives making intense,
intelligent, passionate and powerful art. In addition to this, look at all the
political dictators throughout history that were born poor and/or lived poor
until they rose to power as powerful political dictators. So the fact that
these artists and/or political dictators were born and/or lived poor, and were
also so often not educated by society's institutions, completely undermines and
tears down the wrongful 'spiritual' and 'religious' notion that a person's
karma and life is revealed and limited by the social class and circumstances
that they were born into. And I also want to now state that a democratic class
based social system is not only an oppressive, exploitative and restrictive
social system, it is also a social system based on a false concept and system
of operating. For in a democracy, people elect those into political power, and
then the people of a true democracy would then vote and choose the outcome of
all social aspects of society. However in the false concept of democracy that
exists, we elect into power the political leaders by voting, and then those
political leaders that are elected into power then go onto make the decisions
for the people of the social system of which they have been elected as
'democratic' political leaders - and thus we live in a psuedo democracy. So in
our class based psuedo democratic society, those of us who are born into poor
circumstances and are thus are an underclass in society (and which we would
also be often cruelly and wrongfully be considered as 'untouchables' in a
country like India), wherever we are, we must abandon society's cruel,
oppressive and exploitative class based institutions and restrictions and find
power in our underclass position. And for people who are artists, this will
give them more time and freedom to focus on doing their artwork within the
context of their social underclass position in society. And to those who are born
poor and into the underclass and who have the inclination, talent and desire to
study for a profession such as law, medicine and the sciences that requires
studying and receiving accreditation from a university educational institution,
then do so whilst you can and before the possibility of up-front university
fees are brought in, and then a university education and accreditation will
only become an option for wealthy people - And to those poor people who still
have a chance to study for a university degree in law, medicine and the
sciences before up-front fees are possibly brought in - then when you are
finished your studies - never forget you underclass position, and use your
education to help all of us in the underclass to gain power and wage a social class
war. And if upfront fees are unfairly brought in for a university institutional
education, then for poor and talented students who want a specific university
education, there will always be the option of scholarships - However these will
always be limited, especially in the context of the sheer mass of poor people
in society who are intelligent enough to both study and want to study at a
university institution in fields such as law, medicine and the sciences. And
also as university institutions increasingly become like greedy, money making
machines - then obviously the limited and inadequate number of scholarships
will also decrease, making a university education for people who are poor and
want to study a necessary university field and the required accreditation, such
as in law, medicine and the sciences - not a possible career and life path. So
in such an outcome, what would happen to intelligent and talented poor students
if up-front fees are brought into university education, and thus masses of intelligent
and talented poor people in the underclass are denied a university education in
law, medicine and the sciences - Will there be secret, black market,
underground and illegal places of learning subjects such as law, medicine and
the sciences for poor students of the underclass who want to study those
subjects but cannot because up-front fees have been brought in to get a
university education. And from this could a whole black market of passionate
but poor, illegally professionally taught people in the areas of law, medicine
and the sciences emerge as a result, and then provide their black market
professional services to the underclass, which in turn helps empower the social
underclass even more - And thus a whole massive black market social underclass is
brought into existence and functions as a powerful, black market, social
underclass in society.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-39014447633080907752015-05-26T00:26:00.001+10:002015-09-25T01:43:05.290+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 15<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">By Adam
Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 15 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">After what I have witnessed and experienced in my
life from the breakdown of marriage and monogamy and the abusive perverse
pubescent wrongful bad behaviour of my troubled terrible teenage years it is
hard for me not to be cynical regarding relationships and not state that
romance is rape by seduction. For the 2000 year old Age Of Pisces has come to
an end and we are now in the often difficult and messy transition period
between The Age Of Pisces ending and the new 2000 year astrological Age Of
Aquarius beginning. And romance and coupling, which seemed to have such an
emphasis in the Age Of Pisces, seems to be coming to a messy end now as the Age
Of Pisces also ends, and not all but so many coupling relationships now are
experiencing difficulties that often lead to their eventual destruction. And
the change in divorce laws in this country in the late 1970's at the very end
of the 2000 year Age Of Pisces, and the massive breakdown of marriages and
coupling and the resulting rapid rise in broken homes, is all the proof that I
need to show that the age of coupling is in a massive amount of trouble as the
Age Of Aquarius with its shifted metaphysical evolutionary emphasis upon
individuals and individuals in groups begins. And in this difficult and messy
transition period with the 2000 year old Age of Pisces ending and the new 2000
year Age Of Aquarius just beginning, there is obviously a lot of confusion,
lack of satisfaction and disenchantment, as too many people still try to hold
onto the Age Of Pisces influences including the Age Of Pisces religions and
their outdated beliefs. However the more that those people so desperately try
to hold onto outdated Age Of Pisces beliefs and their lifestyles, the harder it
will get for them and eventually it will result in disenchantment and often
lead to a horrible and bitter end. And in my life I have witnessed this
breakdown in coupling relationships as occurring increasingly in even more
rapid and messier ways. For example, the family homes that I was brought up in
were all troubled and disintegrating when I was in them - the worst being that
horrible stepfamily home that I lived with for six years from the age of 11
years old to 16 years old. In addition to this, I can never stay in a coupling
relationship for more than 3 months because always after 3 months I got bored
and the passion goes and then I either cheated and/or got out of the coupling
relationship - no matter how much I was infatuated including lustfully with the
girl at the start of the relationship - So from personal experience, I believe
that there is no such thing as love in coupling relationships and instead that
illusion of the concept of love is really just lust and infatuation - and for
me personally that lust and infatuation always wears off after 3 months - And
so now I have made a pact with myself not to ever get involved in another
coupling relationship again due to this fact. In addition to this, in my life I
have consequently watched nearly every coupling relationship in my life be
ruined and corrupted in some form - and even when the couples choose to
continue to stay together - most often due to either being in too much of a
comfort zone (despite the passion in their relationship having ended a long
time ago and replaced instead with jealousy and fighting), and/or the couple
wrongfully stay together for financial reasons - which is also often an aspect
of staying in the comfort zone of their failed coupling relationship instead of
making the often difficult but necessary break into freedom. In addition to
this, from personal experience in observing the breakdown of coupling
relationships in this age, there are usually 5 stages to coupling
relationships. The first is when the couple first get together in the stage of
infatuation (which is the only stage that I have personally experienced because
I always get out of the coupling relationship after 3 months because that's
when the passion personally ends for me and it is a sign for me to get out of
the coupling relationship then and there, and never allow myself to be
emotionally attached to another person because I believe that is a sign of
weakness that will result in your downfall into the trap of attachment, which
will result in the disintegration of your personality and passions, and which
also no matter what, always has a bitter end). The second stage that I have
witnessed in coupling relationships is when the couples are comfortably
together and are also so often smug and nasty in their coupling comfort zone.
The third stage of a coupling relationship that I have witnessed is when the
lust and infatuation begins to wear off and the comfort for the couple is no
longer enough to satisfy them, and if they choose to stay together, they then
become often increasingly nasty and bitter, both towards each other, and also
often towards people around them - especially if you are not in a coupling
relationship and have your personal freedom unlike the couple in a coupling
relationship. The fourth stage of the coupling relationship is when the
fighting increases in the coupling relationship and more than likely, affairs
and cheating on each other begins in the coupling relationship - which often
when brought out into the open, too many couples still continue to try and stay
together, often due to guilt and staying in their coupling comfort zone,
despite the obvious massive breakdown of their coupling relationship. And the
final fifth stage of the coupling relationship, is the couple either growing
old, bored and bitter together - Or the couple finally ending their
coupling relationship. So now, the 2000 year old Age of Pisces has just
finished and we are now in the messy transition period as the 2000 year Age Of
Aquarius is just beginning - And it is obvious that we need alternatives to
conventional conservative coupling relationships, in whatever form, which are
no longer working - astrologically, historically and practical speaking. One
alternative to coupling relationships is the concept of intimate relationships
in a non-monogamous context. The question now is how do we propose to go about
forming alternative ways of intimacy in a non-monogamous and non-traditional
context. Firstly, the jealousy factor that so many people suffer from must be
overcome - because jealousy is truly pathetic and a sign of insecurity in the
self motivated by an unattainable need to try and find passion and/or happiness
in a another person, when instead people should seek to find passion and/or
happiness in themselves - Because passion and/or happiness can never be found
outside the self and in another person. Secondly, having grown up in broken
homes, it is obvious that in the breakdown of coupling relationships and the
rapid rising of broken homes and children being brought up by parents who are
not their own blood parents, and who therefore resent them and abuse their
presence, just as I was so badly abused growing up by my stepmother, means that
it is necessary to find appropriate and non-abusive ways, patterns of behaviour
and laws to stop children being abused in the rapidly ever increasing rise of
broken homes in this day and age, as the concept and function of coupling
relationships increasingly breaks down, and therefore children are ever
increasingly growing up under parental care by people who are not their blood
parents, and therefore way too often and usually out of jealousy, the non-blood
parent(s) resent the presence of such a child and therefore abuse that child.
And this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed because obviously
children still need to be born into the world, however it is not an issue for
me to personally and practically deal with and find the answers to - Because I
neither want children, as I like my personal freedom and personal time too
much, and also I know that I would not be an abusive parent - but I do know
that I would be a neglectful parent due to my personal need and passion to
spend so much time alone and including also on my artwork. And we all have our
own passions, interests and lifestyle choices, and there will obviously be many
people out there who are thrust into relationships in which they are bringing
up children that are not of their own blood and therefore they will have to
find the practical, compassionate answers to the lifestyle choice that they
have chosen which resulted in them bringing up children that are not of their
own blood. So it is obvious, that as the 2000 year old Age of Pisces now ends
and we are now in the often confusing and messy transition period as we head
into the 2000 year Age of Aquarius, the future, especially the immediate
future, is going to be a difficult and confusing and often messy time in terms
of intimate relationships. However, as I have stated, one possible alternative
to coupling for those that want relationships is non-monogamous intimate
relationships - because I have been in some intimate relationships with
girlfriends where I was very sexually turned on and aroused and so were they
when I watched some of my girlfriends have sex with other males and they
watched me have sex with other females - and also consensually sexually acting
out rape sex (which was first instigated by a girlfriend who had been
previously sexually raped by a male and who got legal justice for it and then
asked me to act out forcefully sexually raping her which we both got intensely
sexually aroused and pleasured by having this rape sex) and also with other
girlfriends having consensual threesomes and gang-bangs and making porn and having
sex parties at home and having public sex in nightclubs on drugs which is all
very sexually intense, pleasurable and passionate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-23329035927725130502015-05-26T00:24:00.001+10:002015-09-25T01:52:32.436+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 16<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 16 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">This diary data entry is specifically about
psychological abuse. Because in my life, I have had to endure extreme and
constant psychological abuse - mainly in the form of ridiculing, nagging and
tormenting. And for the record - psychological abuse is not only emotional and
mental abuse, but it is also a form of physical abuse because when a person is
being psychologically abused, physical harm is also done to the victim of
psychological abuse, because when a person is being psychologically abused in
whatever way, their body reacts in a physical way to the psychological abuse -
which is harmful to the body - and thus psychological abuse is also a form of
physical abuse. For example, if a person is being ridiculed, nagged or
tormented - there are 3 main reactions to these types of psychological abuse -
because a person who is being psychologically abused in one or more of these
ways could feel anxiety (which will so often increase as the psychological
abuse increases) - or a person could feel angry (which will also so often
increase as the psychological abuse increases) - or a person could feel a mix
of alternating anxiety and anger to the psychological abuse that they are
receiving (which will also often increase as the psychological abuse
increases). And if a person is feeling anxious when being psychologically
abused, then they will obviously be in an emotional and mental state of feeling
extremely uncomfortable and nervous - and in addition to this, their body will
react in a physical manner to the psychological abuse that is causing the
anxiety by a series of physical reactions to the uncomfortable and nervous
state of anxiety, such as stomach pains and stomach problems, vertigo, nausea
and migraine headaches. And if a person is feeling angry when being
psychologically abused, then they will obviously be in an emotional and mental
state of being extremely tense and worked up - and in addition to this, their
body will react in a physical manner to the psychological abuse that is causing
the anger by a series of physical reactions to the tense and worked up state of
anger, such as stress, migraine headaches, and pressure on the heart as the
very tense state of anger causes their heart to constrict and go into overtime
as it has to pump blood harder around the body because the person has been made
angry by psychological abuse. And the 3 main forms of psychological abuse that
I have had to endure way too often in my life, which are ridiculing, nagging
and tormenting - all started out as resulting in extreme anxiety for a long
time, especially when I was in that last foster home from the age that I was 11
years old to 16 years old - and which by the end of that horrible 6 years, that
constantly increasing anxiety that resulted from the constant psychological
abuse from my alcoholic stepmother and her two children, eventually turned from
extreme anxiety to extreme anger. And in terms of those 3 main forms of
psychological abuse - which are ridiculing, nagging and tormenting - people who
do those 3 main forms of psychological abuse are motivated in each case by
specific motives. For example people who ridicule are insecure people, because
ridiculing is a specific sign of insecurity in the ridiculer - and people who
ridicule do so because they are trying to belittle and make another person feel
insecure to wrongfully try and escape their own feelings of insecurity, instead
of analysing and dealing with their own personal insecurity problem and not
going around trying to make other people feel insecure by ridiculing their
victims. However, despite ridiculing being a very serious form of psychological
AND physical abuse, it is not appropriately acknowledged as such and dealt with
severely enough by the law. In terms of the form of abuse that is nagging, it
is a form of abuse that is done by naggers primarily because they are insecure
people who find it difficult to accept difference in other people because they
wrongfully believe that other people should be the same as them, so people who
nag go around wrongfully nagging other people to be more like them and do what
the nagger wrongfully thinks other people should do. And people who are the
victims of nagging feel emotions such as anxiety, annoyance, irritability and
anger. However despite nagging being a very serious form of psychological AND
physical abuse, it is not acknowledged seriously enough and dealt with severely
enough by the law. In terms of the form of abuse that is tormenting, it is a
form of abuse that is done by tormentors because the tormentor is maliciously
and wrongfully trying to gain happiness out of tormenting another person with
what they do not like - and the reason that the tormentor is doing this is
because they are unhappy with themselves and their own life, so the tormentor
goes around tormenting other people to try and annoy and make other people
unhappy, and by doing so, the tormentor gains some kind of malicious temporary
unhappiness by tormenting other people. And people who are the victims of
tormenting feel emotions such as anxiety, annoyance, irritability and anger.
However despite tormenting being a very serious form of psychological AND
physical abuse, it is not acknowledged seriously enough and dealt with severely
enough by the law. And because these forms of psychological abuse - which are
also forms of physical abuse - are not dealt with seriously and severely enough
by the law, then people who are the victims of ridiculers, tormentors and
naggers will often be made to look bad by either being made to look and feel
awkward and insecure, or angry and psychotic when they eventually lose their
temper at the ridiculer and/or nagger and/or tormentor - and getting the victim
to feel and look awkward and insecure, and/or lose their temper and be angry
and psychotic, is also a sneaky tactic of people who ridicule, nag and torment.
So it is blatantly obvious that the law must be changed to deal with the
horrible, harmful and abusive behaviour of ridiculers, naggers and tormentors
whose behaviour is a form of psychological AND physical abuse. But until it
does, unfortunately people who have been abused and pushed over the edge by
ridiculers and/or naggers and/or tormentors - have to take the law into their
own hands to stop the ridiculer and/or nagger and/or tormentor from abusing
them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-87042386900457041262015-05-26T00:22:00.001+10:002015-09-25T01:55:39.219+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 17<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 17 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">In terms of my last diary data entry 16, if a
person is being psychologically abused, and because psychological abuse is not
seriously and severely dealt with enough by the law, then there are 3 main
options that a person can choose from as a reaction and way to try and deal
with the psychological abuse that is not properly, seriously and severely dealt
with enough by the law. Firstly a person can become a recluse and hide to try
and escape the psychological abuse. However being a recluse and hiding is obviously
difficult if one is forced to be around other people, especially
psychologically abusive people, such as if they are still too young to leave
home and/or school, and/or they are in a work environment. In addition to this,
although being a recluse is good at times as it allows a person to think,
analyse deeply, and also offers the necessary alone time to do their artwork,
the negative aspect of being a recluse is that a person is limited in other
aspects and possibilities of life that they can experience - such as going out
and meeting cool and interesting people. However in this context, it must also
be stated that the internet and social networking sites have obviously allowed
people to have in-depth and intense friendships, relationships and forms of
interaction whilst still being a recluse and not leaving their room - and often
these forms of social interaction on the internet are more intense, in-depth
and better than those formed in person, because you can do so from the focused
comfort of your own room - So if you prefer and are fortunate enough to have
found a way to remain a recluse and create your own world the way you want it
to be within your room, then other than not physically going out and also
having the opportunities for physical intimacy through not going out - (however
in this context it must also be stated that opportunities for physical intimacy
may also be found through social networking sites) - then you are not going to
miss out on anything from being a recluse, and you can also obviously
specifically choose the people you interact with through the selective power of
social networking sites on the internet. The second major way to deal with
psychological abuse if you are forced not to be a recluse and/or don't won't to
be a recluse is to be a martyr - However being a martyr is often very difficult
to deal with for any long term period because you will continue to be
psychologically abused - and more than likely the psychologically abusive
people will become more psychologically abusive to you if they know that they
can get away with their psychological abuse because you have chosen to behave
like a martyr - and being a martyr also allows the people who are
psychologically abusive to wrongfully get away with their wrongful and cruel behaviour.
So being a martyr is not a practical way of dealing with psychological abuse as
it is a continual state of suffering and being hurt by psychologically abusive
people, and the psychologically abusive people are also able to continually
thrive and get away with their wrongful and cruel psychologically abusive
behaviour. And finally the third major way to deal with psychological abuse, no
matter what your way of life, is to use whatever means are necessary and
required to stop the psychologically abusive people from psychologically
abusing you - And some of the tactics to use against psychologically abusive
people is to use art as a weapon and behavioural analysis as a weapon to stop
the abuse from psychologically abusive people. And unfortunately, as I
emphasised in my last diary data entry number 16 - because the law does not
seriously and severely deal with psychologically abusive people, sometimes
extreme tactics must be used against psychologically abusive people, and you
must engage in psychological warfare and whatever other warfare is required and
necessary to stop the psychologically abusive people from abusing you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-44378716383409240712015-05-26T00:20:00.001+10:002015-09-25T02:00:30.272+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 18<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 18 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">As I have stated and emphasised in previous diary
data entries, I personally fear alcohol and the fact that alcohol is legal is
an insult to all the people who have been abused in their lives and had their
lives ruined and made horrible because of alcohol and also the fact that alcohol
kills more people in this country each year than the deaths of all illicit
drugs combined together each year in this country - it is obvious that it is
complete and total hypocrisy that alcohol is still legal when other drugs are
illegal or strictly regulated like even painkillers for people in pain are now
so strictly controlled when purchasing yet someone can buy as much alcohol as
they can get their hands on without being questioned. However I am not sure
what the solution to the whole drug problem is as it is obvious that the ‘war
on drugs’ has failed and instead created so much crime, destruction and death –
and as a person who has used, abused and been addicted to illicit drugs and
know why people use and abuse and get addicted to them and personally witnessed
and experienced their individual harmful ways – I am still not sure what the
solution is – because I have tried abstinence before and it failed as like an
bow in an arrow it eventually reached breaking point and I was flung full force
back into hedonism again including self-destructive hedonism in the form of all
out drug use, drug abuse and drug addiction – so I am still not sure what the
solution is – I just want to feel the intensity I experience on each individual
illicit drug, or even better more intensity, but naturally now if that is
hopefully possible – especially now that I am down and out and broke and
homeless here at the cemetery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-62801573208703269672015-05-26T00:19:00.001+10:002015-09-25T02:07:36.297+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 19<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">By Adam
Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 19 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Tonight I have been thinking about my life now that
I am homeless and hiding out here at Melbourne Cemetery, and the way that I am
surviving through my one meal a day from the church charity food van each
night. And although I am only eating one meal a day from the church charity
food van, the food that I am given is definitely enough to keep me alive and I
do not feel hunger until the following evening as my body has aligned itself
with eating that one substantial meal a day each night now. And also even
though I have lost all my personal possessions except for my Apple iPhone -
writing on my Apple iPhone each night here in my digital data diary onto the
world-wide-web internet has finally actually allowed me to be an artist. And
even though I am now homeless and sleeping inside a stone grave here at the
cemetery - at least, in what could otherwise could be very dangerous and
harmful circumstances - I do have somewhere warm and protected to live here now
at Melbourne Cemetery.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-53631504662409587532015-05-26T00:15:00.001+10:002015-09-25T02:10:00.034+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 20<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 20 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Tonight I nearly got caught by the security patrol
that goes through the cemetery each night. The security patrol, since I have
been hiding out here and living at Melbourne Cemetery, has so far always gone
through the cemetery on their security patrol once a night between the time
period of 1am and 2am. And thus I have made sure that I am always hidden now in
my grave gap 'room' during that time period. However tonight when I was
arriving back from getting my food from the church charity meal van, and had
gotten back to the cemetery at my usual time and was walking to my grave,
suddenly on the winding road in the middle of the cemetery I saw 2 security
guards on foot patrol with flashlights and 2 guard dogs with them. I was
walking quietly and heard their voices as they were talking as I was walking to
my grave, so I immediately dropped to the ground and waited in silence for an
hour. After that, I got up and looked around as much as I could, but I could
not seem them in the vast expanse that is Melbourne Cemetery, so I quickly and
quietly made my way back to my grave gap 'room' and slid the stone lid of the
tomb open and climbed inside and laid there in silence and in the dark until
now when I wrote this diary entry on my Apple iPhone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-67555632350129280092015-05-26T00:13:00.001+10:002015-09-25T02:13:00.806+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 21<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 21 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">At the start of this evening I woke up with a bad
headache in anger from a dream where I was angrily bombing the corporation that
I used to be exploited and enslaved by along with all of its alcohol bottle
shops with Molotov cocktails that I had made out of flammable alcohol bottles.
I first starting getting bad headaches and violent dreams when I was bashed by
that drunken male and had to go to hospital with severe head injuries – however
my headaches have been getting worse since I was hit hard in the head by a box
of tinned tuna at my last job by that co-worker who was illegally drunk and
abusive at work. And throughout my life I have been driven to violent rage and
had violent desires for revenge when I have been pushed too far and my anxiety
seemingly ultimately alternates and turns instead into anger. But now that I am
homeless I have obviously been constantly preoccupied with my survival
situation now – and instead of desiring physically violent revenge on the
people who have hurt me - I have instead chosen to express and vent my anger
and other emotions and thoughts when I am experiencing them here each night in
my digital diary data entries on the internet world-wide-web using my Apple
iPhone. And since I have been doing that I have had no desire for actual
conscious physical revenge on the people who have hurt me - Because I now write
and use my Apple iPhone and Art As A Weapon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-45722780405110692572015-05-26T00:11:00.001+10:002015-09-25T02:15:55.221+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 22<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 22 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">I still have a bad headache tonight, and I woke up
from another dream where this time I climbed over the cemetery walls in the
early, dark hours of the morning before dawn on Melbourne Cup Day where this
state of Victoria holds a goddamn holiday for a cruel horse race where the
horses are cruelly whipped often to death whilst masses of people stand by all
dressed up with the women wearing crazy flamboyant hats and the crowd watches
the horses get beaten as they bet and get drunk and cheer as those horrible little
jockey men cruelly whip the horses to run faster than they should and often to
their death – and in the dream in an act of animal activism I shut down the
Melbourne Cup with a terrorist threat preventing the horses from being whipped
anymore including to death – but obviously this is just a dream where all my
anger and desires and experiences that exist suppressed in my subconscious are
now manifesting themselves in my dreams sleeping here at the cemetery. However,
the only thing I can do in terms of these very vivid, violent and graphic
dreams is to analyse and write about them here in order to try and understand
them. However despite my desires for revenge against the people that have hurt
me in my life and to change the things that I do not like about this world, as
I stated in my previous diary data entry 21 - Now that I am writing down and
expressing my thoughts, feelings and emotions here in my diary data entries on
the internet world-wide-web I am using my Apple iPhone and Art As A Weapon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-5118177687453372782015-05-26T00:10:00.001+10:002015-09-25T02:19:59.670+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 23<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 23 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">I still have a bad headache again tonight, and I
woke up again for the third night in a row from another violent dream where
this time I was planning and scheming revenge and the end of every cruel,
corrupt, capitalist corporation. However as I stated in my previous diary data
entries 21 and 22 - Now that I am writing down and expressing my thoughts,
feelings and emotions here using my Apple iPhone and Art As A Weapon - I do not
have conscious desires for physical revenge against the people who have hurt me
in my life or society like I use to whilst being enslaved and exploited doing
that horrible physically heavy and hard and mentally mundane manual labour job
where I was exploited and enslaved by that cruel, corrupt corporation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-43536255804761758932015-05-26T00:08:00.001+10:002015-09-25T02:24:31.849+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 24<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 24 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">See what all the abuse in my life has done to me -
it has caused me to have desires for revenge in my life which are manifesting
themselves in vivid, violent, graphic dreams - And I am also having
subconscious desires and fantasies that are manifesting themselves in my
nightmares that are not only illegal, but they are also evil - and not only
that, when I acted out those subconscious desires and fantasies in my
nightmares, I enjoyed acting them out in my dreams. So there are two main
issues that I have to deal with - The first is all the pent up hurt and anger
that is inside me from all the abuse that I have had in my life, and which is
now manifesting itself in my nightmares - And the second is all the illegal and
evil subconscious desires and fantasies that I have and which are now also
manifesting themselves in my nightmares as well. So now I am going to firstly
deal with and try to resolve within me the first issue - which is all the pent
up hurt and anger that I have inside me, and then when I have hopefully dealt
with and resolved that somehow - I will then face and deal with and try to
resolve and stop all the illegal and evil subconscious desires and fantasies
that I have as well. Because ultimately, no matter how hurtful, anger
provoking, horrific, horrible and cruel the abuse has been in my life - it is
easier to deal with the abuse and the hurt and the anger from that abuse that
has been done to me - than it is to deal with the guilt from my own abuse,
fantasies and desires - so therefore I am going to first try and deal with all
the abuse that has been done to me and the hurt and the anger that I have from
this - and then I will try and deal with my own abuse and wrongful fantasies
and desires. However the question is how do I deal with and try and resolve
these two main issues that I now have to deal with and try and somehow resolve
once and for all. For there is no use in going over and over and repeating the
same specifics of these issues - Because I have already done the very important
and necessary first step by writing about them and analysing them here in my
diary data entries on the internet. And therefore, I have explained in detail
and understood what is specifically wrong about those issues that I have
written about here in my diary data entries on the internet. So in terms of the
first issue about the hurt that has been done to me in my life, which has
turned into anger inside me - because anger is specifically prolonged hurt that
has reached a point where the hurt then turns into anger that either becomes
repressed and/or explodes and/or is acted upon because a person cannot deal
with being hurt anymore and refuses to be hurt anymore, and specifically in the
way or ways that they have been hurt way too much in their life. And I know
exactly and specifically what is wrong about the abuse and the hurt that has
been done to me in my life - as I have detailed and explained in my previous
diary data entries. However the fact that I know what is specifically wrong
about the abuse and the hurt in my life, unfortunately that does not stop
people from continually coming into my life and doing the same types of abuse
to me which makes me hurt and very angry. For in my life, whenever I have
confronted people about the abuse that they have done to me and/or are doing to
me at the time - the people who abuse and hurt me and make me angry just laugh
at me - And the main reason they laugh is that they know our laws are too weak
when it comes to abuse - especially psychological abuse, as I have outlined and
detailed in my previous diary data entries - So the people who have abused and
hurt me and made me angry are not only getting their malicious pleasure out of
abusing and hurting me and making me angry - they are also getting more of
their malicious pleasure out of the fact that they are getting away with their
abuse, especially their psychological abuse such as ridiculing, nagging and
tormenting, and which has made me hurt and angry. So in my life, whenever I
have confronted people who are abusing me, they just laugh in a horrible laugh
of cruel, nasty malicious pleasure, because besides deriving their wrongful,
malicious pleasure out of abusing me, they are also deriving malicious pleasure
out of the fact that they are getting away with their abuse - and the fact that
they are getting away with their abuse then makes me even more angrier than the
actual abuse that they are doing to me. And also, from having to deal with and
by analysing the people who have abused me in my life, the people who have
abused me will also keep abusing me and pushing me further and further over the
edge in order to make me angry, so that I eventually lose my temper and look
like a bad person and they wrongfully look innocent and like a victim and a
good person to other people who may be around - So as I said the law has to be
changed and become much more stricter and tougher, especially in terms of
psychological abuse, because it is unfair and wrong and aggravating, and life
is very horrible when you are expected to continually tolerate the same
patterns and kinds of abuse over and over again - because I have had enough of
being mistreated and abused in my life - and I refuse to tolerate being abused
anymore - especially psychological abuse which the law does not properly or
adequately deal with in order to prevent and/or put a stop to. And besides the
actual conscious desires and plans for revenge that I have had in the past in
my life - I still obviously have a lot of anger towards the people who have
abused me in my life - and I also obviously still have subconscious desires for
revenge which have now been manifesting in the nightmares that I have been
having and which I have detailed in my previous two diary data entries. So now
alone here at Melbourne Cemetery, I am now going to try and find a way to delve
into and deal with the issues of abuse in my life even more than I have done so
far, and which I have also outlined and explained here in detail in many of my
diary data entries here on the internet. And it is a cold and foggy night here
at Melbourne Cemetery, so now that I have finished all that I wanted to say in
this particular diary data entry tonight - I am now going to spend the rest of
this dark night walking around the dark, tranquil grounds of Melbourne
Cemetery, in order to hopefully find a way to further deal with and resolve
these issues of abuse that have been a constant aspect and part of my life so
far.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4755378583422223067.post-21407328955133646952015-05-26T00:06:00.001+10:002015-09-25T02:27:52.255+10:00DIARY DATA ENTRY 25<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Romance
Is Rape By Seduction<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"> By
Adam Shane Lawes<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 25 OF 145</span></u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Whilst I was walking through the dark, tranquil
grounds here at Melbourne Cemetery last night - I think that I have found a way
to start dealing with these issues of abuse, hurt and anger that are still
burning inside me. For when I was wandering around here last night in the cold
and the fog, I was becoming increasingly frustrated because I could find no
solution to the dilemma that I have outlined in my previous diary data entries
- Because obviously, unlike in my nightmares, I practically cannot kidnap the
people that I want to, and then bring them back here to catacombs that may be
hidden underground here at the cemetery so that I can then interrogate or confess
to them. So alone here in the fog and the cold last night - I started to
complain about my dilemma to all the stone statues of the angels that surround
me and look down on me here at Melbourne Cemetery. And then as I was
complaining to the stone statues alone in the dark, I could see some of the
features of the people that I have abused and wanted to hurt in my life - And
then I also stopped at a life-size statue of Jesus Christ being crucified, and
I began to image that stone statue of Jesus Christ as personifying the people
who have abused and hurt me and made me angry in my life. And then the idea of
performing my stone statue rituals here at the cemetery dawned upon me - For I
can use the life-size stone statue of Jesus Christ being crucified to vent out
all my hurt and anger on from all the abuse that has been done to me in my life
- and then after I have done that and hopefully resolved and stopped, or at
least lessened all my pent up hurt and anger from the abuse that has been done
to me in my life - Then I am going to deal with the second issue of my dilemma
- which is to try and resolve and stop, or at least lessen the guilt from the
abuse that I have done or wanted to do in my life and which I still feel guilty
about. So now I have a plan - which is to deal with my issues of hurt and abuse
and anger and guilt using the stone statues here at Melbourne Cemetery in my
stone statue rituals - So tomorrow night at midnight, I am going to perform my
first stone statue ritual - and then I will write about it here in my next
diary data entry after I have finished that first stone statue ritual tomorrow
night.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;">© </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14pt;">Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes</span><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #1a1a1a; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--></div>
Adam Shane Laweshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14689061037846823483noreply@blogger.com