Romance
Is Rape By Seduction
By
Adam Shane Lawes
MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 118 OF 145
Tonight Alice the diazepam dreamer is back down
inside her new circular catacomb chamber tomb room home - as last night she
finished bleaching it clean completely with the vinegar and vanilla cleaning
product that we took from the cemetery caretaker's shed - and tonight Alice is
painting the pointed dome ceiling and the circular walls and floor of her
circular catacomb chamber tomb room with the vanilla-creamy-white paint that we
took from a construction site that is near to the cemetery last night - And so
now as I sit down here on my own in my own catacomb chamber room here at the
cemetery - I am now wondering and writing here about what the possible and
personal and specific physical aspects of drug usage are - specifically in a
pharmaceutical context - to treat emotional and/or mental problems - for in a
metaphysical context now that considers the notion of karma, the underworld and
reincarnation - what are the connections between such notions and the
occurrence of emotional and mental problems? For example - are emotional and/or
mental problems always specifically connected and related to karma - or are
they also sometimes new occurrences that are brought about through the wrongful
ways of a society during a particular time period and/or new karmic experiences
that are generated through meeting new people in life as new circumstances,
events and karma are also occurring? For considering the possibility that
emotional and mental problems are a product of being mistreated and hurt by
horrible, wrongful behaviour - especially during our childhood when it is
extremely difficult for us to either stop it happening and escape it by getting
away from the person or people who are hurting us because we are too young to
be able to leave home and school and support our-self - and so in that context
it could also be possible that the mistreatment and abuse that we may receive
during that period of our life could be karmatically linked to similar possible
past-life wrongful abusive behaviour that we did in our past-life and or
past-lives - and so - without justifying abusive behaviour of course - in this
possible abovementioned karmic context - we are however at a young age often
forced to be around people who mistreat and abuse us in the same way that we
may have mistreated and abused people in our own past-life and/or past lives -
so that through the process of karma we have the chance to then learn through
personal experience specifically why that type of wrongful, hurtful and abusive
past-life behaviour is wrong through emotionally feeling and therefore
specifically understanding and knowing why that type or types of wrongful,
abusive hurtful behaviour is wrong through being victims of experiencing it -
however having said that - obviously many people who are abused when they are
young - or at any stage of their life - do not personally learn and
specifically understand why that type of abuse is wrong and then they often
will also unfortunately behave in the exact same wrongful, abusive and hurtful
way and/or ways to other people throughout their life - which in the context
and consideration of karma - means that person did not learn their karmic
lesson and so they will probably have to keep going through the same karmic
experience and/or experiences of wrongful, hurtful abusive behaviour until they
eventually learn both why it is wrong and also the difficult part of also
learning how to stop people from continuing to try and abuse and hurt you in
the way or ways that you have personally learnt are wrong through personal
emotional experience and understanding in your life - However now having stated
this - what are the consequences of pharmaceutical use by people who have been
mistreated, abused and hurt in their life - and who have learnt their possible
karmic lesson and/or karmic lessons about why that type of wrongful, hurtful,
abusive behaviour is wrong - and that person would now never mistreat, abuse
and hurt another person in that way again themself - because through horrible,
personal emotional experience and understanding they learnt specifically why
that type or types of wrongful, abusive, hurtful behaviour is wrong - however
that person now needs to use pharmaceuticals in order to treat an emotional and
mental problem and/or problems - because they now have an emotional and mental
problem or problems - such as anxiety for example - that they personally feel
they need pharmaceuticals to treat because of the wrongful, abusive and hurtful
behaviour that they have experienced in their life has resulted in them having
emotional and mental problems which they then use pharmaceuticals to treat
and/or relieve the pain of their emotional and mental problem or problems - for
in such a context - is the fact that a person is taking pharmaceuticals to
treat and/or relieve their emotional and mental problem or problems - somehow
preventing them from being able to naturally move into a better and more
evolved state of emotional and mental well-being and eventually naturally
completely out of their personal state of emotional and mental problem or
problems - by somehow lulling them into a state of contrived comfort through
their use of medication to treat their emotional and mental problem or
problems? And in a metaphysical context - what will happen to that person's
soul-spirit-ghost and their non-physical state of consciousness after they die
if they were still using some form of medication - whether it be a legal
pharmaceutical or an illicit drug to self-medicate themself in order to treat
and/or dull and/or relieve their emotional and mental problem or problems when
they were alive? - Is it possible that in such a context a person's
soul-spirit-ghost and their non-physical state of consciousness may go through
some horrible and hellish type of emotional and mental experience and
withdrawal after they die because when they were alive they were using some
form of legal and/or illicit medication to treat and/or dull and/or relieve their
emotional and mental problem or problems - and so without the ability to
physically take their form of medication that they were using to treat and/or
dull and/or relieve their emotional and mental problem or problems when they
were alive - once they physically die the person's spirit-soul-ghost and state
of emotional and mental consciousness then goes into some horrible hellish
state where both their emotional and mental problem or problems overwhelm them
as they no longer have the physical ability to take their form of medication
because they are physically dead - and also in their state of then being
physically dead - their spirit-soul-ghost and their emotional and mental state
of consciousness then remains for a period of time in a horrible and hellish
state of withdrawal as well because they are unable to physically take the
medication anymore that they were taking when they were alive? - And as a
possible example of what it may be like in the abovementioned horrible-hellish
state of afterlife withdrawal and the emotional and mental suffering of one's
spirit-soul-ghost and conscious existence - in this metaphysical context of a
person's possible post-physical life withdrawal and emotional and mental
suffering of a person's spirit-soul-ghost after they have physically died
because of their use and addiction to a drug to treat their emotional and
mental problem or problems when they were physically alive - would the
emotional and mental suffering of that person's spirit-soul-ghost once they are
physically alive be similar to a dream state of sleeping - or more specifically
to a nightmare state of sleeping in this abovementioned context - whereby a
person's normal waking consciousness and their personal inner-psychological
guards of their comfortable waking consciousness are down during their dream
and/or nightmare state of sleeping - and one is instead immersed in the
uncomfortable and often very horrible aspects of existence and the way that the
horrible-hellish aspects of existence emerge, exist and reveal themself to a
person through their subconscious - and which are then often experienced when a
person experiences a nightmare state of sleeping consciousness when they are
physically alive - except in the afterlife a person's spirit-soul-ghost and
their emotional and mental consciousness is possibly permanently and/or
temporarily immersed in a kind of horrible-purgatory state or even a kind of
permanent horrible-hellish state that is very much emotionally and mentally
like the nightmare state that a person can often experience when they were
physically alive - except they are then experiencing such a horrible state of
emotional and mental consciousness when they have physically died because of
their use and addiction to a drug to treat and/or dull and/or relieve their
emotional and mental problems when they were physically alive? - And also in
this metaphysical-medical context of legal pharmaceutical and/or illicit drug
use to treat and/or dull and/or relieve emotional and mental problems - and for
any type of drug addiction - illicit or legal for that matter also - what
happens not only after a person has physically died to their spirit-soul-ghost
and their emotional and mental state of consciousness - but then also what
happens to a person when they next possibly reincarnate back into another
physical life again - for in this context would a person more than likely and
possibly be reincarnated back into their next life as a baby born to a drug
addicted parent or parents - such as being a born as a crack baby for example
if that baby was a crack and/or cocaine addict in their previous physical life
before they reincarnated back into another physical life again - or if that
person was addicted to a pharmaceutical drug like diazepam in their life -
would that person possibly be born into their next life suffering from
overwhelming anxiety and problems related to physical diazepam withdrawal
because in their past-life they relied upon and were addicted to diazepam to
treat and/or dull and/or relieve their anxiety? - Is this how the metaphysical
aspect and functioning of our existence could possibly work? - However having
said this - there are people - like Alice for example - who feel that in their
life they definitely personally need pharmaceutical medication to treat their
emotional and mental problem or problems - and also without it they were
killing themself from dangerously self-medicating themself for their emotional
and mental problem or problems with an illicit drug or drugs - because like
Alice the diazepam dreamer for example - who was not abused as a child but she
was however emotionally ignored by her parental figures when she was growing up
- and then as an adult she was then constantly psychologically abused - (which
is also physical abuse as well as I have stated previously here in my diary
data entries) - by so many of the cruel, conservative, corporate customers that
she served in her counter sales position at the corporate cafe where she worked
and where she ended up becoming a heroin addict with an ever increasing massive
heroin addiction to block out all the horrible vibes from the abuse that she
was constantly receiving from so many of the cruel, conservative corporate
customers that she served and which caused her to develop severe anxiety because
of their psychologically - (and thus also physically) abusive behaviour towards
her - and also Alice says that the cruel, conservative, corporate society that
she is forced to live in is way too rushed, stressed and emotionally harsh for
her - and thus also caused her to feel constant anxiety before she used
medication to treat, dull and relieve her anxiety - and so because Alice cannot
personally cope with living in a cruel, conservative, corporate society - and
also because of all the continual abuse that she was receiving from so many of
the cruel, conservative, corporate customers that she served in her counter
sales position in her last job at a cruel, conservative, corporate cafe - Alice
began to self-medicate herself with heroin and then soon became a heroin addict
with an ever increasing and expensive heroin addiction - which eventually after
dangerously self-medicating herself with heroin for five years - Alice was
finally able to withdraw off of her heroin addiction with the help of diazepam
- and then Alice was also able to continue to safely, comfortably and
practically treat/dull and relieve her anxiety and prevent any relapse back
into heroin addiction again through the continued use of the pharmaceutical
drug diazepam - as although diazepam is addictive like heroin - diazepam is
legal, much safer, so much cheaper and therefore much more practical to treat
anxiety than for someone to use the illicit drug heroin to self-medicate
themself in order to relieve the horrible states of anxiety - and although
diazepam does have a sedative effect like heroin - unlike heroin - diazepam
does not emotionally, mentally and physically shut you down to the extreme ways
that heroin does - for instead diazepam seems to sedate a person who is
suffering from anxiety enough to actually make that person feel comfortable and
confident - and therefore the specific sedative effects of diazepam actually
allow people suffering from the life inhibiting illness of anxiety to actually
become more alive and outgoing because the sedative effects of diazepam takes
away their anxiety and their horrible symptoms of anxiety - such as extreme
nervousness, stomach pains and problems and an inability to focus and
concentrate properly and comfortably because anxiety as an illness makes people's
bodies and minds go into a continual and horrible state of nervous emotional,
mental and physical overdrive - And Alice - who calls herself - diazepam
dreamer - is an example of how diazepam has more than likely saved her life
from her heroin addiction by stopping her anxiety - which for Alice - the
diazepam stops her anxiety by metaphorically and personally placing her into
her own personally, protected emotional state where her blood feels like warm,
condensed milk flowing through her body as she is shrouded in the lush, comfort
of cotton wall and barricaded from all the bad in the world that she does not
like with her own modern and personalised baroque like barricade - However does
this comfortable state of diazepam prevent the person from somehow naturally
moving away from their anxiety by lulling them into a continually medicated
warm, hazy, comfort zone? However even if it does is this necessarily so bad
when you consider a person's quality of life - and their actual ability to keep
themself alive - especially in the context that without using a pharmaceutical
drug like diazepam - someone like Alice is instead forced to dangerously
self-medicate herself on an illicit and impractical drug like heroin to block
out her anxiety? So in this context is Alice the diazepam dreamer's use of
diazepam and her addiction to diazepam to treat her anxiety do bad after all? -
Especially when you consider that she needs the pharmaceutical drug diazepam to
block out her anxiety and stop herself from going back into heroin addiction
again to dangerously self-medicate herself to block out her anxiety - and also
diazepam has an inspirational effect to her creativity whereby it influences
her creativity with her personal baroque on diazepam style of aesthetics - and also
diazepam allows Alice to be creative again because the pharmaceutical drug
diazepam also allows Alice not to be inhibited by her anxiety anymore or the
life-destroying and apathetic effects of heroin use - However finally in my
analysis of pharmaceutical use in this diary data entry of mine tonight - in
the abovementioned context and example of Alice the diazepam dreamer's diazepam
use - what are the possible metaphysical-cosmological implications of her
diazepam use? For what will happen to Alice the diazepam dreamer's
spirit-soul-ghost and her continued state of emotional and mental consciousness
after she physically dies in this life? - and she is therefore obviously unable
to physically take the diazepam anymore once she is physically dead - will her spirit-soul-ghost
and her continued state of emotional and mental consciousness then be thrust
into a sudden state of withdrawal and onslaught of anxiety because of the
pharmaceutical drug she took in her life to block out her anxiety and which she
can no longer physically take anymore and medicate herself with to stop her
anxiety because she is then physically dead? And will that be her kind of
purgatory and/or the consequence of her diazepam addiction and her diazepam
reliance to block out her anxiety in this life? Or because Alice is a very
emotional, sensitive person and she is not suited to the rapid, stressed,
harsh, cruel, conservative, corporate culture and society that she is forced to
live in - and also because of all the abuse that she has received in her life
from so many of the cruel, conservative, corporate customers that she served
for so long in her counter sales position in the horrible, conservative
corporate cafe where she worked in order to try and financially survive and
support herself as an artist in this very cruel, conservative, corporate world
- and also because Alice is a very creative person who uses the diazepam that
she takes to also inspire her personalised modern baroque style of aesthetics
and create something positively different to the way too often shallow,
stressed, conservative, corporate culture of this world that she is not suited
to - Will Alice be instead rewarded once she physically dies because despite
the fact that she is not suited to the cruel, conservative, corporate culture
of this world - she kept herself alive and continued to live and create by
finding a way to actually stop her anxiety due to the abovementioned reasons
through the practical pharmaceutical use of the drug diazepam - and so in the
underworld when she does eventually physically die - will Alice's
spirit-soul-ghost and her continued state of emotional and mental consciousness
be rewarded with her own warm, hazy, cozy, comfortable, personalised,
baroque-like resting place - just like the one she is creating now down in her
very own cozy, comfortable, catacomb chamber tomb room home here at the
cemetery?
© Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes
