Romance
Is Rape By Seduction
By Adam
Shane Lawes
MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 50 OF 145
This
diary data entry is my attempt at necessary self-criticism and in this context
a self-criticism about the ways that I have since changed through realisations
and therefore my beliefs have changed regarding some of the things that I have
written about in my previous diary data entries including my now personally
realised wrongfully exaggerated cynical belief that romance is rape by
seduction. Firstly though in this self-criticism diary data entry, I still
personally do believe there is too much emphasis on sport which is also
obviously big business - And sporting players and their corporations get paid
way too much money for doing things like running around a grass paddock trying
to grab each other and kick a ball between two posts or hit a ball with a stick
or cruelly whip horses to their death - whilst medical professionals and law
enforcement officers get paid a pittance of hardly anything compared to what
they do regarding keeping people alive and often risking their own life to do
this - And I was abused horrifically as a child and made to pick up horse
manure for way too many years on a horrible horse farm by my cruel, malicious
sporting stepmother and my sporting, weak, cowardly biological-blood-father who
did not look after me and protect me (and anyone who reads this and thinks it
is funny is a cruel, malicious person also as no-one would think it is funny if
they were cruelly made to do that for years like I was as a child/teen by my
cruel malicious stepmother and a sporting weak, cowardly biological-blood-father
who did not protect me). And I am ashamed of my biological-blood-father because
he is a coward who is too afraid to be single and alone to deal with his
personal-political issues – (and like so many people who are afraid to be
single and spend time alone to forcefully face and deal with difficult and
painful personal issues, both he and my stepmother wrongfully demonise being
single and spending time alone - instead of realising that single people who
spend time alone dealing with difficult personal issues can then be more aware,
intelligent and stronger emotionally sensitive people than people who always
hide in wrongful coupling relationships where they do not spend substantial and
necessary time alone to deal with difficult painful past personal issues and
also any further issues that will always arise and need to be dealt with in our
evolutionary existence – as single people who spend necessary substantial alone
time to face and deal with difficult personal issues can then become a better
person on our planet in our evolutionary existence – instead of being weak and
trying to only find happiness in another person in a coupling relationship to
escape from dealing with their painful personal issues – as any feelings of
real happiness can only be found by deeply dealing with your painful
personal-political issues). And that is also why so many marriages and coupling
relationships are failing because people have not properly dealt with their
painful personal-political issues before either entering and/or also instead in
their coupling relationship) – and if couples have children before they have
dealt with their past-painful-personal issues then they are more than likely
not going to be good parents and are instead going to more than likely be abusive
parents – and obviously in an environmentally overpopulated planet, and also
necessarily respectfully for people who enjoy being single and want to stay
single, not everyone is meant to have children as there are also other ways of
being creative and creating on this planet – However for the necessary
important sake of having non-abusive families and children being born into the
world, in that context, it is necessary for people to exorcise their proverbial
demons and deal with the proverbial skeletons in their closet by properly
dealing with their past-personal-political-painful issues and also to keep
dealing with any personal-political issues that occur in life. And for me
personally, from seeing an influential, powerful personally and politically focussed
artist that I have listened to and been positively influenced and taught by
through his art since first becoming an adult, and where I watched him go
through many different phases, including intensely powerfully publicly
exorcising his proverbial demons in his intense influential art, and then
watched him eventually go into a coupling marriage relationship and have a
family with children whilst still being creative, including being publicly
creative with his beautiful, creative wife, I now have seen and realised and
know that there are cool creative couples who can help bring out the best in
each other and who have dealt deeply with their past issues, and who also
continue to keep dealing with issues, and then when they become parents they
then bring up their children in an aware and non-abusive and educationally and
creatively caring way. But besides that inspiring example, there also still way
too many nasty couples who when they couple bring out the worst in each other
and who become more abusive in a nasty and abusive way and who often also
usually pick on single people because they wrongfully see single people as a
lone easy target. And then there are also the bitter, nasty coupling people who
are abusive to others because their coupling relationship has failed and
instead of properly dealing with it and spending a substantial amount of time
alone and/or together dealing with necessary personal-political issues they
then become detached from each other as the coupling relationship is not really
right for them like they originally thought it would be. And also in some
coupling relationships that are failing and that are not right for either one
or both of the couple, sometimes the couple wrongfully stay together in the
coupling relationship when they should instead accept it has proven not meant
to be, and thus leave it to move on in their life including giving themselves
the chance to possibly and hopefully find the right person that they are really
meant to be in a coupling relationship with, including especially happily and
passionately for the rest of their life. Because whether single or in a
coupling relationship people need to deal with their past-painful personal
proverbial skeletons in their closet and their proverbial demons and also other
issues that will naturally continue to occur in life. And this is also what
artists can and need to do individually, and/or in a coupling relationship,
and/or in a group by creating art in a deeply personal-political way. As like
any issue that is not dealt with, then it will have a negative impact both
personally and politically until it is hopefully dealt with. And I learnt from
my father not what to be like as he was not a good father as he was weak as he
did not protect me and he never spent the necessary time alone or in his
coupling relationships to deal with issues – and also he misused sport to
literally run from any personal-political problems so he does not have to think
about them and deal with them. And my father was also not capable of using self-criticism
to become a better person. And I know I have condemned ridicule as being wrong
and a form of abuse that must be stopped – However I have now publicly seen
from a sensitive, aware comedian how ridiculing humour from another person can
sometimes make people aware of any personal political problems and issues when
it is done in a witty and aware and sensitive way (and sometimes also instead
in a witty and aware angry serious psychologically-politically powerful way as
a weapon against wrongful ways on this planet that must be stopped and dealt
with) – however people, including those who are comedians, who have the talent,
sensitivity and awareness to do this are very rare – and thus too often people
who should not ridicule do so in a manner that is done in an unnecessary,
cruel, belittling, exaggerated way which makes the person who is victim of
ridicule anxious and confused and insecure and harms the person in every way
instead of helping them and thus also the planet politically and that is why although
I am not against humour I still personally believe that ridiculing is wrong as
it is not the right way to constructively positively help people. For example
my father and stepmother and stepfamily wrongfully ridiculed me to the point
where I got really bad anxiety and asthma attacks – as they were cruel,
insensitive people who did not deal with their personal-political problems and
issues to stop their abusive behaviour – and also my father’s silliness was
annoying and pointless - and both he and my stepmother wrongfully constantly
criticised me for being serious which they misunderstood as being wrong and a
form of sadness when I am actually happy (and sometimes angry depending on the
situation and type and stage of issue) as when I am serious I am analysing and
dealing with issues which is necessary and part of my own natural individual
personality and ways that they did not understand and it is not a crime to be
serious – and that psychological abuse which is also a form of physical abuse
from my weak father and malicious stepmother and stepbrother and stepsister
became so cruel in every way that it made me eventually desire to violently
massacre them when I reached age sixteen by training myself with a handgun to
kill them for their too many years of abuse that they did to me – which
thankfully I did not do even though they abused me so much that I got pushed
too far and over the edge to the point where I desired and wanted to kill them
with a handgun – which I got tattooed on both my hands along with the words
"Art Is A Weapon And Business" as a symbolic reminder and to know
instead that art is also a weapon and obviously it is also a business that
artists have the right to make money from as artists can also help create a
better existence through their art-work. And in terms of what I wrote about
being sexually molested/raped as a child by gay people I am obviously blatantly
very against child abuse especially pedophilia - but I have tried consensual
adult gay sex orally three times with three different adult males who were gay
but I know that I am not personally gay or bisexual as I stopped doing it as it
did not feel right and I could not get sexually aroused and it made me feel
sick - so I should have stopped after the first time as it did not feel right
for me and it is not right for me - so from those three adult gay experiences I
know that I am not gay or bisexual - however if people are naturally gay or
bisexual then it is obviously their right to be as everyone is different -
However we must stop child abuse especially child sexual abuse by dealing with
the wrongful taboo topic of pedophilia by bringing that issue out into the open
and dealing with it in every way in order to stop it as it is illegal because
it is very wrong so it must be dealt with to put a stop to it. And also we must
stop rape by bringing this taboo topic and very wrongful illegal harmful
behaviour out into the open to be understood, dealt with and stopped from
continuing to happen in our existence. And we must also stop terrorism as it is
a very harmful and wrong way for people to try and change what they do not like
especially because it inflicts so much cruel, unnecessary and painful suffering
to people and our planet - so terrorists must be stopped as it is a very
harmful, hurtful and wrongful way to try and change things and terrorists will
be severely dealt with here on earth by us humans and/or in hell by our God the
devil. And regarding what I wrote in a previous diary data entry about stopping
psychological abuse they were previous wrongful historical ways to stop it that
I described so we must learn increasingly new and better ways to stop harmful
psychological abuse which is also a harmful form of physical abuse. And in
terms of curses I know that when I was angry at my cruel, corporate,
exploitative manager who worked me into the ground, and harmed my health, and
made me sick and then terminated me and made me homeless I became anxious and
then angry and I was thinking of cursing him in rituals but I did not actually
know how to and I stopped as I now know and I believe it is wrong to curse
someone because it harms people and it is definitely not the right way to deal
with wrongfully behaving bad people so I do not curse him or anyone else as it
is wrong to curse people and I do not curse people and I am against curses so
do not curse people as it is very harmful and wrong in every way and if you
have done a curse ask to heal the harm your curse may have caused including
also because that curse will also come back onto you and hurt you - so do not
use psychic abilities in a negative way as it causes harm in every way,
including harmful, wrongful energy projection, and also do not channel spirits
as channeling is wrong as it drags spirits out of where they should be and into
your own body along with your own spirit/soul which harms both you and the
spirit being channeled and our existence so do not channel spirits and if you
have done so stop doing it and apologise to our God and ask to heal any harm
your channeling has done - and do not wrongfully project negative energy onto
other people, including channeling and/or focusing upon and then projecting
ugly, annoying, horrible negative images and negative energy onto other people
as it is very horrible, annoying, harmful and wrongful to do so - as it is a
very wrong and harmful form of harassment and you will be severely dealt with
for doing that as any negative images and negative energy you send to other
people will also then be put straight back onto you and your consciousness and
personality and appearance including your aura and the way you think, feel,
look and are perceived by others - so if you have done that stop doing it and
apologise to heal the harm your wrongful, harmful energy projection has done
and do not do it again - and also if you have out of body experiences do not
interrupt/bother/harass/haunt/harm other people or do other harmful things in
our existence as you will be severely dealt with for doing so, and also in an
out of body experience only go into another person's home and/or around another
person if you have permission from that person to do so and/or you need to
protect them from harm and something bad happening to them, and also if you are
not going to interrupt/bother/harass/haunt/harm, including causing death
to that person by having an out of body experience around them - and also be
careful of going to psychics for information and help as they could be
deliberately and maliciously and/or mis-understandingly being giving harmful
false information by getting it from their own subjectivity, including wrongful
ways, and also possibly from physically deceased harmful human spirits, and
they are also stopping you from focussing upon and developing your own psychic
abilities by going to them for psychic information instead of developing your
own psychic abilities, so please learn instead to develop your own psychic
abilities. And if you need help in your existence for any issue that you cannot
deal with on your own then please go to and ask for help from the right people.
And in terms of sport, although it is misused by some people like my father has
done to not deal with his personal-political issues - and also it is in the
media too much to the point where it draws attention away from people dealing
with personal-political issues - and it is also big business that has a lot of
corruption in it that needs to be dealt with to stop the corruption – I am
aware that sport can make us physically and thus also psychologically healthy -
and in a political sense sport can bring and unite people and their countries
together - as it is better for people and countries to battle it out in sport
and hopefully appropriately interact with each other than people battling it
out and being killed in war. And in terms of my analysis in my previous diary
data entries of my abusive Taurus-star-sign stepmother and the abusive
Libra-star-sign people I have been hurt by in my life, I want to make it clear
that I do not believe every Taurus-star-sign person and every Libra-star-sign person
is abusive as I am related to, and I have seen and met non-abusive benevolent,
beautifully behaving and caring people of both those two star-signs and also of
every star-sign - and there are also obviously very horrible, harmful, badly
behaving Leo-star-sign people - and obviously I have also been a very badly
behaving Leo-star-sign male many times during my life until I properly realised
why that specific type of bad wrongful behaviour was wrong and I then stopped
that specific type of bad wrongful behaviour that I realised was wrong (and
remember that our behaviour not only affects how we feel and others feel but it
also shapes our appearance) - And we have all been abused and been abusive in
various ways and it is important for us to learn from our abuse why that
abusive behaviour is wrong so we do not do that same abusive behaviour again in
order to help create a progressively better behaving and beautiful earth in our
existence - And also, unlike what weak people say, crying is actually good (but
obviously not if it is done by people cruelly and maliciously making people
cry) as crying when you need to is a strong thing to do to help you become a
more emotional, sensitive, aware stronger person - so if you feel like crying
then do so to help release and deal with painful personal/political issues and
do not block out or stop crying because although it hurts to cry it is strong
to do so, especially to help heal yourself and become more aware when dealing
with painful personal/political issues so remember crying is a beneficial, good
and strong thing to do - And do not commit suicide because if you commit
suicide you will have to repeat your suicide over and over again (including
your whole life and what caused you to commit suicide) in your appropriate place
in hell until you were meant to actually physically die and then you will be
made to reincarnate back onto the earth again and live a similar life with
similar circumstances and with similar people who are going through the same
things and issues that you did in your previous physical incarnation before you
committed suicide - so please do not commit suicide - (and I am not sure yet
about euthanasia for people living in cruel and unnecessary pain from incurable
diseases and/or accidents - as that is obviously also a form of suicide -
however people should not have to live in unbearable and cruel pain from
incurable diseases and/or accidents that they will never recover from) - And in
our existence art is a good weapon to help deal with personal/political issues
to help create a better planet earth in our existence. And in terms of the
biblical story of the garden of eden and my metaphorical interpretation of it
in one of my previous diary data entries, I believe it was really our God the
devil in the garden of eden on earth actually appearing trying to teach us
humans to not fear and demonise knowledge but instead to actually keep learning
from knowledge in order to realise why our behaviour is wrong and to evolve in
that biblical context. And from experience I believe in the human soul/spirit
and God - and that the devil is our God and the earth is the devil's playground
where we have free will and the devil rules hell along with hells angels who
like our God the devil they are also dark, serious, sensitive, and benevolent
in order to teach us what we did wrong in our life and especially what we did
not properly deal with before we reincarnate back onto the earth again into
physical human form in the cycle of our never ending evolutionary existence -
and in terms of my out of body experiences I now definitely believe that the
dark, serious, benevolent entities that took me temporarily out of my body and
showed me aspects of my life and our existence were our God's angels teaching
me about my life, the human spirit/soul and our existence in our never-ending,
evolving and changing cycle of reincarnation in order to progressively evolve
by learning from our mistakes and continually creating in our cycle of
reincarnation to help create a better planet earth in our never-ending
evolutionary changing cycle of existence - and I do not know why from the
horrible spirit/soul/ghost hauntings that I have experienced, why there are
still physically deceased human spirits on earth after they have physically
died, but it could be possible because humans have wrongfully, fearfully
demonised knowledge and mis-portrayed and wrongfully cursed the devil in hell
as a malevolent angel when the devil is actually our God in hell along with
hells angels who teach us humans what we did wrong when we were physically
alive when we physically die and are supposed go to hell before we reincarnate
from hell back into a physical human body onto the earth again where we all
have free will here on earth in this devil's playground, and also because
humans have wrongfully tried to blame our god the devil for their wrongful
sinful bad behaviour when it is instead humans actually acting out of their own
free will, and also because humans have wrongfully glorified physical death
including wrongfully creating things that glorify death instead of also
promoting physical life, and also mis-portrayed, disrespectfully and wrongfully
glorified ghosts in art, and also wrongfully used ouija boards and wrongfully
conjured spirits, and also wrongfully done totem worship, and also wrongfully
worshipped physically deceased humans as deities, and also wrongfully used
physically deceased human spirits to harm the physically living, and also
wrongfully done channeling and thus that is the temporary punishment for doing
so as it harms our God's gateways on our earth into hell - and this must stop
as we cannot have humans who are physically deceased on earth including in the
sky (as the sky is actually just the astral realm that so-called 'new-age
spiritual people' have wrongfully portrayed as it is wrong for physically
deceased humans to try and exist there and haunt physically living humans to
manipulate, harass and hurt them and any physically deceased human who tries to
do that will be severely dealt with and punished in hell for doing so and also
so-called 'new-age spiritual people' wrongfully preaching 'spirit-guides' which
are really physically deceased human spirits wrongfully hanging around the
earth trying to wrongfully manipulate physically alive humans and anyone who
does that will be severely dealt with and punished in hell for doing so) - as
it is very horrible, harmful and wrong to be bothered/annoyed/harassed/haunted
by physically deceased human spirits/souls/ghosts, including in your own home
which besides harassment and any other form of harm that is also done, it is
also a form of break and enter which will be severely dealt with and punished
in hell - and also if any physically deceased human spirit tries to have sex
and/or has sex with a physically alive human whether sleeping or awake then
that is actually rape and they will be severely dealt with and punished in hell
for doing so - as it is very wrong, horrible and harmful for physically
deceased humans to be on earth when they should be in hell until they
reincarnate back onto our earth again as on our earth only physically living
humans should be allowed as we physically living humans have our own issues to
deal with here on earth in our physical form as physically living humans - so
when we physically die we need to ask our God the devil to please get the
angels of hell to take us to where we are meant to be in hell as it is wrong
for physically deceased human spirits to stay on the earth when they have
physically died and they are meant to go into hell and any physically deceased
human spirit that does not go into hell when they are supposed to will be
eventually punished in hell when they do inevitably go there - as I personally
believe that physically deceased human spirits/souls/ghosts (which look exactly
like they were when they were physically alive but in a luminous glowing
spirit/soul/ghost appearance) should only respectfully be allowed to stay
around the physically living on our earth until their funeral without
annoying/bothering/harassing/hurting/haunting people so their loved ones and
friends can hopefully see and hear them at their funeral to let them know that
they are alright and to say an emotional goodbye at their funeral before the
physically deceased human spirit/soul/ghost asks our god the devil to get the
angels of hell to take them down into hell for rest, recuperation and
regeneration before it is their time to reincarnate back onto our earth again
into a physical human body - so although us humans have free will I still
wish/ask our God the devil to please get the angels of hell to take the
physically deceased human spirits/souls/ghosts that should no longer be around
us the physically living here on our earth to take those physically deceased
human spirits/souls/ghosts down into hell to be helped and healed by showing
and teaching them what they have done wrong and to not let them back out for
the sake of our evolution on earth until it is their appropriate time to
reincarnate back again into a physical human body when they are meant to do so.
And we need astrologers to rewrite astrology using human attributes and not
other animals nor inanimate objects as a way of explaining star-signs, whilst
emphasising individuality in astrological analysis, and also use updated
scientific analysis and understanding of how our world works in our universe in
astrology, in order to help create a better planet earth for us all. And there
needs to be more interaction in every way and cooperation between countries on
a global basis including especially now between the West and the Middle East
and we need to create a better planet earth including a mixed ethnic earth in
our never ending evolutionary existence. And finally in this
self-criticism diary entry I have also realised and I now admit that I was also
wrong about the Age Of Aquarius not also being about monogamous coupling
relationships because it is - and specifically in terms of romance and coupling
relationships and my cynicism towards them in viewing romance as rape by
seduction due to the extremely negative ways that I grew up under coupling
relationships as a child/teen, and also because although I have been in lust
and infatuation in coupling relationships with girlfriends that at the time I
did want to be with and who I did care for - unfortunately I personally have
never actually experienced true romance yet - so as a result I now admit that
romance is not rape by seduction and deep down I am actually really a romantic
person that still has hope for romance.
© Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes
