Romance
Is Rape By Seduction
By
Adam Shane Lawes
MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 76 OF 145
And so there you have it - as I have outlined in my
previous nine diary data entries about my malicious Venus Taurus as star sign
stepmother and that horrible stepfamily home that I was in from the age that I
was eleven years old until I was sixteen years old - when after all those years
of abuse - I then myself became sexually abusive and sexually predatory and
sexually psychopathic - or maybe that sexually predatory and sexually
psychopathic part was already in me - in a nature combined with nurture context
due to rape being such a common occurrence because of a long wrong aspect of
evolution involving wrongful male dominated violent patriarchy despite its
taboo in being mentioned in art and history – and thus this wrongful sexual
predatory desire was brought out within me and I then became sexually predatory
psychopathic?! - Whatever the case at the age I was sixteen years old I became
lustfully obsessed with my blossoming beautiful pubescent younger stepsister
and I became sexually psychopathic towards her as all my abuse, hurt and rage
manifested sexually towards my stepsister as I planned my revenge on my
stepfamily and which I acted out on New Year's Eve night when at age sixteen in
front of my father and stepfamily and all their friends at their New Years Eve
party for that year - I attempted to rape my younger stepsister out of both
lustful desire and revenge for years of abuse which included being horribly
held down forcefully and orally sexually raped by her gay brother and his gay
friend when I was 13 years old, along with my own natural innate sexual desires
to rape my younger, beautiful, blossoming, pubescent, pretty, teenage, thirteen
year old stepsister who when I reached age sixteen she started to go through
puberty and she became beautifully very sexually attractive and very lustfully
desirable to me - And then the next day on New Year's Day in guilt and shame I
ran away and moved back across the border to the Gold Coast - However my learnt
and/or innate sexually psychopathic nature and desires which manifested on that
night have left me living a life of guilt and shame and also a lot of
distraught confusion in trying to come to terms to mentally analyse and
emotionally understand why I have that bad sexual desire and I actually acted
on it when I tried to sexually rape my younger, beautiful, blossoming,
pubescent, pretty, teenage, thirteen year old stepsister when I was sixteen
years old - And to be blatantly honest to myself and to the rest of the world
now at this point - I will personally state that I did definitely find my
younger, beautiful, blossoming, pubescent, pretty, teenage thirteen year old
stepsister very sexually desirable and attractive when I was sixteen years old
and I do admit to still finding younger, beautiful, blossoming, pubescent,
pretty, teenage girls very sexually attractive - and when I was injecting lots
of the drug ice which made my sexual libido so much more intense I then watched
and enjoyed porn properly for the first time and the porn category that I found
so desirable to watch over and over on ice, like in the form of poker-porn on
repeat for hours, including to analyse and test my sexual desires as the
category that sexually turned me on was legal teen porn and forced porn with
the latter being a legal way of saying rape porn which was obviously acted as
it was a mainstream legal porn site – but never the less those were the two
porn categories that on ice turned me on the most and then when I came
down I felt guilty – and just like my sexual desires and attempt to try rape my
younger, beautiful, blossoming, pubescent, pretty, teenage, thirteen year old
stepsister when I was sixteen years old I had to try and understand it - so in
terms of my sexual desires that I have for beautiful, blossoming, pubescent,
pretty teenage girls - for me personally it is possibly because of their
seemingly sexual innocence combined with their youthful blooming sexuality that
makes them so sexually desirable to me - and in terms of my psychopathic sexual
desires to plan and try and sexually rape my younger stepsister - well from my
personal subjective male perspective - I can say that maybe genetically it
could be in every hetrosexual male whether they are courageous and brave enough
to admit it or not – as in that context it is highly possible that a violent
history of male dominations in the context of male genetics and patriarchy and
past-lives genetics combined with the desire for forceful lustful sexual
domination and power has something to do with why I am the way I am – and in
addition to this in a nurture context - when I was growing up I witnessed and
experienced sexual violence and other wrongful, bad sexual behaviour - so in
that context it is highly possible that nurture also has something to do with
why I am the way I am - however besides these above-mentioned nature and
nurture aspects - there is also my own personal subjective tastes and desires -
and speaking honestly from my own personal, subjective, male individuality and
who I am - within my personal above-mentioned nature and nurture aspects - is
the fact that I so badly desired and attempted and tried to sexually rape my
younger, beautiful, blossoming, pubescent, pretty, teenage, thirteen year old
stepsister when I was sixteen years old even though all along I knew it was so
wrong and I should never have acted upon it as now I live in anguish, shame,
guilt and regret and I feel I must keep confessing and apologising to every
girl that I meet from now on for it – But most of all I now need to apologise
here publicly on the global internet world-wide-web to my stepsister for trying
to rape you when you were a beautiful, blossoming, pubescent, pretty, teenage,
thirteen year old girl when I was sixteen years old as I am sorry.
© Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes
