Romance
Is Rape By Seduction
By
Adam Shane Lawes
MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 79 OF 145
In my life I have been hurt too much by nepotism
and other forms of corruption which I hate and despise - as I grew up poor
including in a caravan trailer park and then in a broken very abusive home on a
horrible horse farm where I was not protected by my weak, cowardly father from
my extremely cruel, malicious and abusive stepmother who extremely
psychologically abused me (which is also physical abuse) and cruelly and
maliciously and illegally made me do disgusting, horrible child labour picking
up horse manure whilst I was abused by her two spoilt-brat children which is my
stepbrother and stepsister - and also as a result of some people in my family
cruelly and sickeningly talking about getting their hands on will-money which
is a harmful form of death-energy projection I legally wrote and removed myself
out of every family will as I do not want any family will money - and I dropped
out of high-school before finishing after trying to work my way through it - as
after temporarily living in the basement garage of the apartment building of my
working-class, caring and loving mother, sister and stepfather who with me they
have necessarily been brave and worked through their past-personal-political
issues - I left home as a teenager and then continued to do horrible manual
labour work whilst studying at a top private business college in my state back
then and where I topped with 98% and I immediately got given a corporate
business job position but I resigned on the first day of work just before I was
supposed to start working there as I personally do not want to do that type of
work nor live that way of life and I also always want and need necessary alone
time to myself especially for my art-work as I have always wanted to be an
artist - so I continued to work horrible physically heavy and hard and mentally
mundane manual labour nightshift work doing 4 hours a night and six nights a
week to financially support myself and have the necessary time to do my
self-study and my artwork - but I was not ambitious enough and properly
practical in my late teens and my early twenties - and it was before the age of
this necessary and great global internet world-wide-web - and I could not get
my writing art-work published by publishing corporations - so after 8 years of
working horrible manual labour and doing my art-work and self-studying in the
late 1990’s I made the mistake of going to university to study a bachelor of
arts university degree in religion (studying all world religions but
specialising in islam) and art history (studying art history
from palaeolithic art to postmodern art but specialising in art and
politics) and strategic studies (military studies specialising in psychological
warfare) - but although I am passionate about and still self-study those
subjects I personally dislike studying at art university institutions as I am
personally not suited to a university institutional art environment and whilst
I was studying at university I worked nights for three years doing customer
service in the basement carpark of the Australian ballet centre in the city in
the Melbourne arts precinct which although it thankfully was not manual labour
it included working 10 hours a night on my own on a Saturday night from 5pm to
3am for half the legal award wage and being abused a lot including a lot of
road rage from the spoilt upper-class parking patrons who would quickly drive
into the carpark and watch an institutional arts centre show and then quickly
leave seemingly very unaffected by the institutional art that they had just
seen and so that they could only brag about going there to see it to other
members of their spoilt upper class, and also I was abused with ridicule and
looked down upon as stupid from not all but some of the
stuck-up-snob-spoilt-brat ballet dancers - and because I was so full of anxiety
working in the institutional arts abusive carpark there and I hated studying at
the arts university institution I made the mistake of trying and eventually
getting addicted to heroin after the end of the first month that I started at
university - and then after three years of getting six 1st class honours in my
marks and also distinctions and passes for my other marks that I did finish as
I also dropped out of many university units due to my dislike of the subject
matter and also my dislike of studying at a university arts institution and
also being addicted to heroin – in the year 2000 I then finally quit university
just past half-way through my six-year university degree where I had
successfully completed thirteen units - and just before I quit university I was
also terminated from my carpark customer service night-shift job at the
Australian ballet centre by a new, cruel female manager and then I had to go
back to horrible, physically heavy and hard and mentally mundane manual labour
again for 3 more years until I was fortunate enough to get a good government
public servant job working at the top largest library in the state where not
all but some of the government permanent public servants working there were not
even passionate about writing and words and were spoilt as they had no idea how
easy they have it working there compared to the horrible hardship in jobs
working for some of the corrupt corporations that exist in the private sector -
and which for me working there at that top and largest library in the state it
was initially full-time casual 3 months on and 3 months off for the first 18
months so to financially support myself between government contracts I had to
also work a second job washing dishes at night in a pub owned by a former
professional footballer and where I had to wash dishes with my sleeves down and
wet to cover my arm tattoos as on one forearm I have a tattooed dagger with the
words "wrath and war against alcohol" (because of all the abuse in my
life from people under the influence of alcohol and also because of guilt from
my own abusive behaviour on alcohol when at age sixteen years old drunk on rum
I got the proverbial 'dutch courage' to badly try to sexually rape my younger
beautiful, blossoming, pubescent, pretty teenage, thirteen year old stepsister
who I was attracted to and who I sexually desired and I wanted to have sex with
- and which still confuses me as although she was legally underage to have sex
with she was very sexually attractive and very sexually desirable to me) and on
the other forearm I have another dagger tattoo with the words "wrath and
war against sport" (because when I was growing up my blood father
wrongfully misused sport to not think and feel deeply and properly and deal with
any personal-political issues and also because at school I did not like playing
sport and also I personally find watching sport very boring - however I am not
against healthy personal physical fitness) but back then I needed that night
dishwashing job in the pub owned by a former professional footballer even
though I personally do not like football and other sport – because my good
government public servant job in the top largest library in the state was three
months on and three months off and I was not allowed to get welfare financial
support in between working my 3 months on and 3 months off temporary contracts
as a public servant in the good government job working in the top largest
library in the state - and where in some of my spare time I also did unpaid volunteer
work first with a homeless help charity centre helping destitute and often
self-destructive homeless people to eat and survive and then as an unpaid
volunteer at an asylum seeker help centre helping mainly Afghan, Iraqi and
Tamil Sri-Lankan asylum seekers to survive here in Australia and where through
interacting with them and trying to help them I heard their real-life horror
stories and I could also see on their faces the hurt of the horrors that they
had been through and how they needed help to create a better life - and then I
was able to quit washing dishes at the pub at night as I was lucky enough to
get a temporary full-time 18 month contract working as a public servant at the
good government job at that top largest library in the state and then finally
after working temporary contracts there for three years a permanent public
service good government contract finally came up for that position and out of
hundreds of applicants I was one of 12 applicants chosen to be interviewed and
I was the only applicant who had worked at that top largest library in the
state as I had been doing for those past three years - but one of the
nepotistic, cruel female managers who did the interviews in a case of cruel
corruption swindled things to give the job to her spoilt son who had just
finished high-school and I was told I would have to leave working there in 3
months time when my good government public servant contract finished - so I
resigned immediately in anger, hurt and protest - and devastated I went on a massive
party binge injecting the drug ice - and then I had to go back to horrible,
physically, heavy and hard and mentally mundane manual labour to financially
support myself and which I have described in my previous diary data entries
where I was abused especially by the spoilt university students who would only
work one shift a week on the highest shift pay rate for their horrible
university beer and other alcohol party money and where the grandson of a
former state police commissioner who was one of them kept ridiculing me and
when I refused to react and listen to his cruel ridicule when he was illegally
drunk on alcohol at work as he often wrongfully was he violently threw a box of
tuna tins hard at my head hitting me and hurting me and he got away with it and
then a horse race trainer who was also a female manager who worked there tried
to frame me by lying and saying I threw a wooden pallet at her but I was saved
by a surveillance camera which showed she was lying thankfully as otherwise I
would have got a criminal record for something I did not do but she got away
with doing that to me too - and I was continually used there by the cruel,
corrupt, corporate store manager who made me do so much unpaid work that I
eventually got so run down that I got very physically sick and unwell in every
way and whilst off work sick he terminated me and made me homeless - So I have
had enough of nepotism and other forms of corruption - And so now I am going to
keep doing my own self-study and keep creating my own personal-political
art-work including here now on the global internet world-wide web where you can
read this digital-data-diary-novel of mine for free.
© Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes
