Romance
Is Rape By Seduction
By
Adam Shane Lawes
MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 123 OF 145
Tonight has been a very emotional and difficult
night for me - because as I mentioned last night in my previous diary data
entry - after Alice had made her confession two nights ago about her personal
wrongful sexual behaviour from her past which involved a sexually incestuous
relationship with her slightly younger brother during her pubescent adolescent
teenage years - and which had now suddenly emerged from her subconscious and
emotionally and mentally tortured her - and so after she confessed to me two nights
ago which I detailed in that specific diary data entry of mine - and because
she now feels better after talking to someone about it - and also because just
as I was curious and asked Alice questions near the start of this month and
which I described in detail back then in my diary data entries about why she
was once a prostitute and what it was like for her being a prostitute - Alice
both now wanted to ask me questions about my past wrongful sexual behaviour by
confessing to her about desiring and trying to rape my stepsister when I was a
teenager – and even though I have analysed and apologised previously here in
some of my earlier diary data entries - especially back near the start of June
when I was being mentally haunted and mentally tortured about by my past
wrongful sexual behaviour and I was consequently forced to deeply analyse my
past wrongful sexual behaviour in order to understand and to help heal my
mental anguish - however as I specifically stated in one of my diary data
entries near the end of last month - although I think that I have mentally
understood my past wrongful sexual behaviour to the point where it relieved the
onslaught of my overwhelming mental anguish back then - at the end of last
month I sensed somehow that I emotionally had not faced and dealt with my past
wrongful sexual behaviour deeply and properly - However now that emotional
experience for me regarding real regret to my past wrongful sexual behaviour
has now come through Alice - as although Alice is a very emotionally sensitive
person - and probably specifically because she is a very emotionally sensitive
person - and also probably because she is a girl as well - Alice was able to
emotionally interrogate me and make me actually emotionally feel and
emotionally regret my wrongful past sexual behaviour when I tried to - and by
doing so Alice actually was able to make me emotionally break down and cry
about it - which is something in all these years afterwards that I have never
been able to do before - and not because I have ever thought crying was weak -
because to face and feel deeply and to cry about something in that context is
an act of great courage and requires emotional evolution and personal strength
to allow yourself to delve deeply enough into your own wrongful behaviour - in
whatever form - to actually regret it to the point where you are able to
emotionally break down and cry - and so for me personally in the past - it was
not like I was viewing crying as weak and/or avoiding crying - as instead I was
unable to personally cry about my past wrongful sexual behaviour - even though
I always knew it was wrong - and even when I was being mentally tortured about
it and in mental anguish about it at the start of last month living here at the
cemetery and which I described in detail back then in some of my diary data
entries - as the reason that I have never cried about my past wrongful sexual
behaviour from the past before - was specifically straight out due to the fact
that I had not emotionally felt the emotional impact of the regret of my past
wrongful sexual behaviour - and so to cry about it previously would have been
and felt contrived for me to do - however tonight - with the help of Alice who
is a very emotional person - I was able to emotionally feel the deep emotional
regret of my past wrongful sexual behaviour - and so tonight I cried very hard
about my past wrongful sexual behaviour that I had done - and so now
emotionally exhausted I am now going to go to sleep down here alone in my own
catacomb chamber tomb room here at the cemetery.
© Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes
