Romance
Is Rape By Seduction
By
Adam Shane Lawes
MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 24 OF 145
See what all the abuse in my life has done to me -
it has caused me to have desires for revenge in my life which are manifesting
themselves in vivid, violent, graphic dreams - And I am also having
subconscious desires and fantasies that are manifesting themselves in my
nightmares that are not only illegal, but they are also evil - and not only
that, when I acted out those subconscious desires and fantasies in my
nightmares, I enjoyed acting them out in my dreams. So there are two main
issues that I have to deal with - The first is all the pent up hurt and anger
that is inside me from all the abuse that I have had in my life, and which is
now manifesting itself in my nightmares - And the second is all the illegal and
evil subconscious desires and fantasies that I have and which are now also
manifesting themselves in my nightmares as well. So now I am going to firstly
deal with and try to resolve within me the first issue - which is all the pent
up hurt and anger that I have inside me, and then when I have hopefully dealt
with and resolved that somehow - I will then face and deal with and try to
resolve and stop all the illegal and evil subconscious desires and fantasies
that I have as well. Because ultimately, no matter how hurtful, anger
provoking, horrific, horrible and cruel the abuse has been in my life - it is
easier to deal with the abuse and the hurt and the anger from that abuse that
has been done to me - than it is to deal with the guilt from my own abuse,
fantasies and desires - so therefore I am going to first try and deal with all
the abuse that has been done to me and the hurt and the anger that I have from
this - and then I will try and deal with my own abuse and wrongful fantasies
and desires. However the question is how do I deal with and try and resolve
these two main issues that I now have to deal with and try and somehow resolve
once and for all. For there is no use in going over and over and repeating the
same specifics of these issues - Because I have already done the very important
and necessary first step by writing about them and analysing them here in my
diary data entries on the internet. And therefore, I have explained in detail
and understood what is specifically wrong about those issues that I have
written about here in my diary data entries on the internet. So in terms of the
first issue about the hurt that has been done to me in my life, which has
turned into anger inside me - because anger is specifically prolonged hurt that
has reached a point where the hurt then turns into anger that either becomes
repressed and/or explodes and/or is acted upon because a person cannot deal
with being hurt anymore and refuses to be hurt anymore, and specifically in the
way or ways that they have been hurt way too much in their life. And I know
exactly and specifically what is wrong about the abuse and the hurt that has
been done to me in my life - as I have detailed and explained in my previous
diary data entries. However the fact that I know what is specifically wrong
about the abuse and the hurt in my life, unfortunately that does not stop
people from continually coming into my life and doing the same types of abuse
to me which makes me hurt and very angry. For in my life, whenever I have
confronted people about the abuse that they have done to me and/or are doing to
me at the time - the people who abuse and hurt me and make me angry just laugh
at me - And the main reason they laugh is that they know our laws are too weak
when it comes to abuse - especially psychological abuse, as I have outlined and
detailed in my previous diary data entries - So the people who have abused and
hurt me and made me angry are not only getting their malicious pleasure out of
abusing and hurting me and making me angry - they are also getting more of
their malicious pleasure out of the fact that they are getting away with their
abuse, especially their psychological abuse such as ridiculing, nagging and
tormenting, and which has made me hurt and angry. So in my life, whenever I
have confronted people who are abusing me, they just laugh in a horrible laugh
of cruel, nasty malicious pleasure, because besides deriving their wrongful,
malicious pleasure out of abusing me, they are also deriving malicious pleasure
out of the fact that they are getting away with their abuse - and the fact that
they are getting away with their abuse then makes me even more angrier than the
actual abuse that they are doing to me. And also, from having to deal with and
by analysing the people who have abused me in my life, the people who have
abused me will also keep abusing me and pushing me further and further over the
edge in order to make me angry, so that I eventually lose my temper and look
like a bad person and they wrongfully look innocent and like a victim and a
good person to other people who may be around - So as I said the law has to be
changed and become much more stricter and tougher, especially in terms of
psychological abuse, because it is unfair and wrong and aggravating, and life
is very horrible when you are expected to continually tolerate the same
patterns and kinds of abuse over and over again - because I have had enough of
being mistreated and abused in my life - and I refuse to tolerate being abused
anymore - especially psychological abuse which the law does not properly or
adequately deal with in order to prevent and/or put a stop to. And besides the
actual conscious desires and plans for revenge that I have had in the past in
my life - I still obviously have a lot of anger towards the people who have
abused me in my life - and I also obviously still have subconscious desires for
revenge which have now been manifesting in the nightmares that I have been
having and which I have detailed in my previous two diary data entries. So now
alone here at Melbourne Cemetery, I am now going to try and find a way to delve
into and deal with the issues of abuse in my life even more than I have done so
far, and which I have also outlined and explained here in detail in many of my
diary data entries here on the internet. And it is a cold and foggy night here
at Melbourne Cemetery, so now that I have finished all that I wanted to say in
this particular diary data entry tonight - I am now going to spend the rest of
this dark night walking around the dark, tranquil grounds of Melbourne
Cemetery, in order to hopefully find a way to further deal with and resolve
these issues of abuse that have been a constant aspect and part of my life so
far.
© Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes
