Romance
Is Rape By Seduction
By
Adam Shane Lawes
MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 86 OF 145
My thoughts are still racing and my mind still
feels heavy and weighed down in this horrible state of anxiety - as my wrongful
sexual behaviour from my past has now for some reason come back to haunt me and
cause all this new anxiety and mental anguish that I am now constantly feeling
- and I do not know why after all these years my wrongful sexual behaviour from
my past is now haunting me - Is it because of all the drugs that I took since
when I was a teenager – because is all my drug use, drug abuse and drug
addiction now mentally hitting me hard and to the point where it has now
weakened and broken all of my mind's protective mental defenses – to the point
where my wrongful sexual behaviour from my past is now really haunting me - and
before to be honest I have never personally felt this harsh remorse or shame
from it before - However my wrongful sexual behaviour is now haunting me
constantly - for even as I walk through the cemetery at night - so many of the
stone female faces of the life-size stone female angels now remind me and haunt
me of my beautiful, pubescent, pretty, teenage, thirteen year old stepsister
who I tried to sexually rape when I was sixteen years old – as now my bad
sexual behaviour from my past is now haunting me as my mind feels weakened and
haunted to the point of anxiety that has reached the level of what can only be
described as mental anguish now - And if it is because all my drug use has now
mentally hit me and mentally weakened me this badly - then I wish that I never
took all those drugs - because if that is the reason that I am now thinking and
feeling this way - then there is no way that I know that I can now reverse the
possible mental chemical harm that all my drug use may have now done to me -
however I always have to do my best as my own personal therapist in my life now
- so I am trying to find a way through this anxiety that is now caused by all
my guilt, anguish and remorse now - However in terms of my drug use - I am
paranoid and concerned that I will always be adversely affected by it - and I
do not know what to do - as I cannot stand to be stuck in this constant state
of anxiety that is being caused by this feeling of remorse for my sex crime
desire - to the point where I now feel so much mental anguish and so mentally
distraught - and so now I feel so scared and alone and anxious and afraid in
this cruel, cold harsh world.
© Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes
