Romance
Is Rape By Seduction
By
Adam Shane Lawes
MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 90 OF 145
Last night I tried to meditate to alleviate my
state of mental anguish that is driven by my remorse and my guilt for trying to
rape my stepsister - and which now for some reason is haunting me constantly -
however meditating did nothing for me personally to alleviate this horrible
state of mental anguish that is being driven by anxiety, guilt and remorse and
which I am now suffering from - as meditating did seem to work for a little
while last night - but then my mind began to wander straight back to the very
thoughts of my past sex crime that is now haunting me and filling me with
mental anguish - as one thought led to another thought which led to another
thought and into a state where I was then overwhelmed with confusion and no
clear understanding of both the questions and the answers that I am searching
for in order to help me get through this - and when I was meditating - each
thought had the vivid and remorsefully haunting images from my past sex crime
which is now haunting me and which only increased and added to my confusion as
I was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety - And so in that context maybe
meditation is not meant for everybody as we are all different - and so for me
personally meditation does not work for me and meditation is not personally
right for me - because for me personally meditation is not as insightful and
cathartic as art is for me - especially my writing here in my diary data
entries which is extremely important to me - and it is also the only form of
art that I can now do in my life - because for me personally - pondering and
writing down my ideas when I am doing my artwork - especially my writing here
in my diary data entries now on the internet world-wide-web - is what I am
passionate about and also what helps me to deal with my personal issues in my
life the best - so in that context maybe my artwork is like my own form of
meditation that through my analysis combined with my creativity in my artwork -
I can then find the depth and insight that I am looking for and which I need in
my own personal way through my artwork - So in that context doing my artwork
and writing here in my diary data entries is a passion and necessity for me
personally - as it definitely helps me - even in the most harshest of times -
like what I am going through now in my life.
© Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes
