Romance
Is Rape By Seduction
By
Adam Shane Lawes
MY DIARY DIGITAL
DATA ENTRY 91 OF 145
In the context of what I have written previously
here in my diary data entries - I am now going to try and deal deeply and
extensively with my personal issues in the way that is personally best for me -
and that is through my artwork and through writing here in my diary data
entries - So tonight I am firstly going to deal deeply and extensively through
my analysis and writing about the personal issue which is now haunting me so
terribly - and which I have detailed and explained both previously here in some
of my earlier diary data entries - and which has now both been haunting me
lately and causing me extreme anxiety and mental anguish because of my personal
remorse and guilt and shame over my past wrongful sexual behaviour in the form
of trying to rape my younger stepsister when I was a sixteen year-old teenager
- And so now in what has also become my own personal confessional diary in the
form of these diary data entries of mine - I am now going to deal deeply - as
my own personal therapist in my life now - and through my artwork and my
analysis and my writing here in my diary data entries - I am now going to try
and deal deeply with this major life personal issue which has been haunting me
so horrifically lately - Because lately I have been haunted by the memory of
when I planned and tried to rape my younger stepsister when I was sixteen years
old in that horrible, abusive, real-life horror home that I was in from the age
that I was eleven years old until I was sixteen years old - And my mental
anguish and remorse and guilt and shame has gotten so bad at what I tried to do
back then that even some of the stone female faces of the life-size stone
female angels here at the cemetery remind me as they haunt me of my younger
stepsister who I planned and tried to rape when I was sixteen years old back
then in that horrible stepfamily home - And so now I need to write my thoughts
down here in my diary to deeply deal with them in order to try and heal myself
- So here goes - When I was in that horrible abusive home that I was in from
the age that I was eleven years old until I was sixteen years old - after years
of horrific abuse from my stepfamily there from the age that I was eleven years
old - when I reached sixteen years old I went from being the victim into being
a perpetrator - and now that has become something that is very hard for me to
live with and personally deal with - For just after I turned sixteen years old
I began to sexually desire my younger 13 year old pubescent blossoming
beautiful stepsister – which then manifested in my planned revenge on my
stepfamily in the form of attempting to rape my stepmother's precious and
spoilt daughter who was my younger stepsister - and so for four months I
planned my revenge on that stepfamily when I was sixteen years old and for it
to be carried out on my second stepfamily's New Years Eve night party for the
end of that year - And then upon that New Years Eve night on that horrible
horse farm home on the North Coast in the state of New South Wales - and in
front of my stepfamily and all their friends at their New Years Eve party - I
first snuck away a bottle of rum and sculled as much as I could of that bottle
of rum to give myself the extra ‘dutch courage’ that I needed to carry out my
plan - and then as planned in front of everyone there at that New Years Eve
party - after sculling as much of that bottle of rum as I could - I then
drunkenly staggered over and grabbed my younger second stepsister and I pulled
her to the ground and began to tear her clothes off as I pulled my pants down
as I tried to rape her however she resisted me and I drunkenly passed out on
top of her – And now all I can say now in conclusion of this specific diary
data entry is that I am sorry and that I wished that none of it never happened
- but it did - and you can personally subjectively judge me as you wish -
however now as my own personal priest or priestess as you now read this
conclusion of this confessional diary data entry of mine and I still lay here
in severe anguish, guilt and shame.
© Copyright
Adam Shane Lawes
